Just a thought... Laugh loudly, laugh often and most important, laugh at yourself. [Chelsea Handler]
16 years. As of yesterday - First Day of Spring - that’s how long this journal of mine has been going. I won’t dwell on that any more, except to express to you my sincerest gratitude for coming here, day in and day out, to share what’s on my mind, what I need to get off my chest and even just to click a link now and then - which you just might want to do today with my latest weekly Walmart article about changing your outlook by switching up what you look through. After all, it is a new season and everything.
Of course, a new CTV mid-season arrival Jann began last night, too. If you haven’t watched it or PVRed it, do catch it online or on demand. I promise you it’s worth it. We haven’t laughed that long in forever. And we can’t wait until next Wednesday!
I felt a little like I was in a sitcom on Tuesday, too; it’s something that Jann could easily have happen to her in an upcoming episode (although I’m sure she and her writers have plenty to mine). And why stuff like this happens to me, I have no idea. Maybe the writing gods are just making sure I never run out of things to tell you here.
As you know from Monday’s CLENZ menu journal, Rob was prepping for a colonoscopy. I was honestly in shock to read how many people were doing the exact same thing within a day or two of Rob’s experience.
He got through it with flying colours, except that he has to go back in five years instead of ten because his cleanse wasn’t 100% effective. Apparently they want him to start a month before or something (okay, that’s an exaggeration, but I’m sure that’s how it’ll feel to him). That’s all right though: I’m due for one in five years, too, so we can go through the cleanse together, just like Marty Short, Steve Martin and a few other friends do. Or so legend has it.
We celebrated his ravenous hunger and seemingly good results by going for Chinese food at a restaurant that’s not in our part of town but got good reviews. And we were not disappointed. Although I think he’d have eaten a rubber sole with hoisin sauce on it, we really did find the place to have great food. So, another win!
Where did we not win? When I managed to look like *I* was the one undergoing the cleanse. Picture this:
I’m sitting in the sun on a bench, answering a few emails and just feeling a big ol’ dose of spring fever. So content am I that I post an Instagram, Twitter and FB picture of me all zen-like.
Don’t mind the bush growing out of my hair. And oh yes, the Dollar Tree backdrop gave lots of people a chance to make jokes about where we get our colonoscopies in BC! Fair game, for sure.
As I sat grinning happily in the sunshine (so blissful that a woman passing by stopped and said, “That’s a sunshine smile, isn’t it?”) it occurred to me that the only thing that could make the day better would be chocolate. So I gathered up my laptop and book and went into the Dollar Tree and bought some candy coated chocolate Hershey Eggies. I took my bounty to the car and sat in the MINI, top open, listening to my pal and birthday girl Susan Knight on the radio and just enjoying the perfection of the day.
When I got the call to go in and collect my sedated husband, I locked my stuff in the trunk and headed into the clinic. I checked in with the receptionist, then excused myself to go to the ladies' room. It wasn’t until I was on my way to wash my hands that I looked down and gasped: it was a huge brown splotch from the top of one leg and spread across to the top of the other, right in my (as Archie Bunker would call it) “groanal area.” It looked as if I was wearing a diaper inside-out, except that, instead of brown on white, I had the good fortune to be wearing black capri pants.
As I hurriedly took a wet paper towel to the sticky mess, I wondered if the receptionist had even noticed when I checked in, and if so, whether she’d ascertained that I was indeed smeared in chocolate. I’d have been able to explain that I’d dropped the insides of a chocolate egg on my lap in the sun, had I just had a chance.…
Honestly, even in his sedated state, Rob had to laugh at me. Here he was the one who’d spent practically hours in the bathroom over the previous 36 or so…and yet I was the one who looked like I’d had an accident.
It’s a wonder Rob takes me anywhere - sedated or not. Have a wonderful day and I’ll be back with you to wrap up the week tomorrow.
(@erindavis on Twitter)