Erin's Journals

Just a thought… We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. [Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture]

Well, my fears came to fruition in our BC provincial election Saturday. The numbers show that a great many voters stayed home (either ticked at David Eby calling an early election, turned off by the rain, or simply complacent) and the ones who most wanted change made a point of being heard, plus votes on the left were split between NDP and Greens. So now we get what we get. I’m just so sorry for those who are already marginalized and will likely be pushed further to the sidelines.

Many eyes are on municipal elections today. BC had ours a week ago; seems to be the season. Oh, and it’s officially time to start wearing our poppies, too. Dig out a used one if you wish, but please don’t forget to make a donation if you can to the Royal Canadian Legion.

Looking ahead, this Saturday night and Sunday morning, Rob and I will be watching closely to see what our devices decide regarding BC not changing time with much of the rest of the country.

If I thought I was confused (and confusing others) when it came time to Zoom meetings and appointments in other time zones, oh just wait for it! “What do you mean, you’re two hours behind? I thought BC was three?” I can hear it now. And I have enough trouble with time math as it is! This is going to be a massive goat rodeo, and the people of this province who voted for clocks not to change – in my opinion – picked the wrong season in which to stay put. I feel for the kids going to school in the dark this winter. May they stay safe.

Okay, I need to brighten things – and myself – up here today! This Thursday, Lisa Brandt and I are celebrating our 200^th episode of Gracefully and Frankly with a few memories, 10 coffees (thank you, Mali!) and at least one fun voicemail, but most of all, we’re celebrating you listening – for free, thanks to enVypillow.com – every week. Talking with Lisa is a high point in my often pointless week (“pointless” in the best ways, of course) but she said something the other day that really stuck with me.

When we were talking with Kim and Wanda, the dynamic duo you are emailing with questions for our AMA Waterways river cruise next November at hello@weshouldgotravelco.ca, we were discussing how many guests to realistically expect, what we can do to make the river cruise especially memorable for our Queenagers, and so on. Lisa and I made a special wee video celebrating our upcoming milestone episode, and it includes a few last-minute river cruise discounts that expire this Saturday. I’ll add a link below to the video.

I confessed to being the kid in the backyard jumping up and down yelling, “We’ll get costumes! We’ll put on a show! Everyone will come!” while Lisa’s the one saying, “And what if it rains? What then?” It sounded like I was calling her a Debbie Downer, but the truth is, when you’re a cock-eyed optimist as I am, then the one looking at the possibilities and likelihoods can be seen as the pessimist. But Lisa is a realist. Just like Rob. Sometimes I need a little ballast before my hot air balloon flies straight into power lines. And thank goodness I have both of them in my life.

Some days it’s a bit of a miracle that I even have balloons anymore, when you look at what life has handed us, and so many others. But I won’t stop believing there’s something amazing coming around the corner: an opportunity about to land in my inbox, or a surprise that’s being delivered to the condo. I may be a PITA (pain-in-the-arse) sometimes, and I could promise to work on it. But at this point, I’ll take my rose-coloured, half-filled glasses. Sometimes things get messy when my cup sploshes over, but I will always stick around for clean up. Does that count?

Good luck to you today if you’re voting with all your heart. It doesn’t always work out the way we hope, but that’s why they keep holding elections, I guess.

Have a great week, and Lisa and I will talk to you Thursday at gracefullyandfrankly.com. And if you missed last week’s, there were a lot of laughs. We need them these days, don’t we? Enjoy this special video (click here) and thanks to Rob for an awesome production job!

Just a thought… I love Canada. It’s a wonderful political act of faith that exists atop a breathtakingly beautiful land. [Yann Martel]

As all eyes are on the province of my birth today in a referendum vote, my thoughts are all about politics today. But I won’t share them.

Don’t worry – I won’t ruffle any feathers (at least, I hope not). We’ve been so inundated with nothing but political discussion of late – some of it, of course, surrounding the discourse south of our own, vast, unprotected border. November 3^rd and their own mid-term elections loom (on Saturday night I dreamt that the criminal in the White House invoked some arcane law and shut down the democratic process in which his own fetid party is destined to lose ground). So, yes, a lot of politics on my mind…whether I want it or not, apparently!

Alberta is a quagmire into which I dare not step, but a province in which I ultimately have the utmost faith. “A house divided against itself cannot stand,” the saying goes, and at this perilous time in our own beautiful country’s history, our mere existence as a sovereign nation may be hanging in the balance. Still, we have to believe that sanity will prevail, the righteous will win out, and our Canada will remain strong, free and united, despite the blatant financial and social media influence being exercised by our neighbors (sic) to the south.

A few weeks ago, a listener to our Gracefully and Frankly podcast and wrote and said that because of something I said about the separatists, she wasn’t going to listen anymore. I guess that’s the price of having an opinion, but one I’m willing to pay, Shirley. This isn’t just politics, this is home. This is our country. This is our grandchildren’s future. And I would like to believe that, as someone whose heart has a huge place for Alberta in it (since I was born there), I am allowed to have and even share an opinion. At least she didn’t say, “Why don’t you stick to…(insert full-time job here)”!

In our beautiful British Columbia, election workers have a week to recover from our municipal elections before we head to the polls this Saturday for an ill-advised provincial election. I cannot imagine what the premier was thinking when he called it, and we’ll soon learn whether it will turn out to be a blunder of epic proportions when votes for the Green or Conservative parties (the latter of which does not even have a leader, and continuously loses members to scandals that fly under the radar in the US but still manage to have consequences in Canada) gain ground. I dare not make a prediction but can only vote strategically and with all my heart.

I’ve talked to many acquaintances over the past few weeks and no matter which way they intend to vote (some saying they may not at all, which baffles me), all agree that David Eby was high on his own supply when he called this snap election. So it’s going to be a long week, my friend.

In the meantime, our hearts and thoughts turn to CFB Wainwright, Alberta and the members of the military (so far as I’ve heard, from three provinces) who lost their lives in what appears to have been a training accident on Saturday. We mourn with their families, their loved ones, their fellow soldiers and, of course, their entire community, as the long process of healing and coming to terms with this immense tragedy begins.

These are heavy days in our country, and ones in which we take stock of what is important: service and dedication. Family and unity. And most of all, what it means these days to be a Canadian. Heartbroken but hopeful. Concerned but committed. Courageous but cautious.

Just a thought… The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. [F. Scott Fitzgerald]

On this Thanksgiving Day, I won’t just sit here and count my blessings: I know you have your own, and I do that every day (and often here) anyway.

There are a few things – and people – I want to briefly shine a light on.

You know that 84-year-old with the parrot “boyfriend” I told you about here last week? Well, this weekend we had our first turkey dinner in the cabin. It was going to be just Rob and me but we decided to check if our sprightly neighbour was seeing family this weekend. She wasn’t, and joined us for a delightful dinner. Turkey, stuffing, squash, potatoes, whipped cauliflower (a delightful low carb side for me) and, of course, Rob’s favourite: a Costco pumpkin pie. Oh, it was – and still is – glorious.

Yesterday our sweet grandson Colin, the gift Lauren left behind, turned an unbelievable 12 years old. But it was we who received the gift: nearly an hour of FaceTime in his room as he gave us a show-and-tell of his gifts, purchases, and the random facts about countries that he was learning from a book from his other grandmother. Only the dogs pestering relentlessly made us wrap up the call, which was all we could have hoped for. Our hearts were heavy, but light – if that makes any sense at all.

It reminded me of something that my pal and podcast partner Lisa sent me a few weeks back, that two things can be true: you can be sad and grateful at the same time. We live our lives with one foot in the lane of missing Lauren every hour of every day, while the other steps lightly through the gifts of the present and towards a future that Rob and I are both grateful for.

I used to worry that people who don’t know me might think I was too lighthearted or happy or joyful given what Rob and I have gone through in the past 11 years of our lives. But that’s like starting a book halfway through and thinking you know our story (something for which there’s no excuse, given that I actually wrote a damned book about the whole experience).

Grief is a part of us that we wear like lines on our faces, and one that no amount of botox, booze or running away will ever diminish. (For that matter, alcohol just makes them worse. WAY worse. Not to mention what it does to our brains and the rest of our bodies.)

We’ll talk about grief with anyone who wants to have a side conversation during our AMA Christmas markets river cruise next year, in a safe space where people just want to open their hearts. Lisa is going to do a casual chat about the ins and outs of self-publishing a book (with which she has much experience) and, of course, we’ll have a lot of lighthearted fun.

Here’s your reminder that you only have just over two more weeks to book and get a big discount, as the Queenagers set sail through Germany, Austria and Hungary on the Danube. Here’s a link if you’d like more information.

Oh, and if you’re on the fence of have any questions at all, we’re having a Zoom call on Saturday at 2 pm Eastern Time to let folks who want to share a cabin meet potential roommates. Drop us an email at gracefullyandfrankly.com or watch for details there and on our G&F Facebook page. We would love to make this a big deal, and Lisa and I are so excited for you to join us. Think November 2027 is too far away to plan? Have you seen how time has flown this year????

Anyway, on that happy note, let me share with you a few pictures of our Thanksgiving weekend. I already posted a deer eating apples I’d swing from a tree to treat him with at www.facebook.com/erindavispage – about the only nature that I have compared to the vistas in Ontario, Quebec, the Maritimes and Newfoundland at this time of year. Enjoy the beauty and have a lovely week. Lisa and I will talk to you Thursday on the podcast.

Just a thought… The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been. [Madeleine L’Engle]

A few things this week about Queenagers and one in particular I have come to know in the past few months, along with her much younger male companion. Tea? Oh, we not only have the tea, Honey, we are the tea.

What’s a Queenager? Hmmmm…let’s see. It’s a term I read years ago and it just stuck to me like a tattoo; in fact, I might well get it on my right forearm to balance out the feather with Lauren’s name on it that graces my left.

If you’re reading this, you may be a Queenager, too. See if this resonates: we’re old enough to know better, but young enough to still give something new a try. Wise enough to know the answers, but smart enough to only share them with people who’ll listen. We’re more patient than we used to be, but we get fed up faster with small minds that are accompanied by big mouths. We have more smile lines, and fewer filters.

But most of all, we have a lot of life still in us – whether others see it or not.

We know who we are. And if we’re not someone’s cup of tea, they can damned well pick out a different blend somewhere else. ‘Cause these leaves have grown through the cruelest and harshest of conditions, and yet they still found their way to the sunlight. They do best in hot water. And while they can’t tell the future, they know an awful lot from the past. And while they go well with lemon, they – we – have come to deserve honey.

There’s a woman named Ellen on our cottage road. Ellen is 84 and wears each year as gracefully as the makeup she puts on every single day, whether it’s to drive her car into our little Pender Island shopping centre, or to walk to the mail box. Lipstick, eyeshadow (a sparkly shade of light green), and hair permed and just so.

Without fail, Ellen refers to her first spouse as her “starter husband.” She fiercely misses her second husband, gone over a decade now: the one who built the house in which she now lives. We can talk about grief knowing it has no time limit. Why do we still miss them? Because we still love them, and they are still gone. That’s why.

Ellen, however, does have a special fella in her life – a much younger one who’s actually in his mid-forties. He’s colourful and mouthy, laughs often and is tremendous company for Ellen, even on the rainiest, windiest days as she looks out at the unsettled ocean. Like me, Ellen’s a late riser, but insists she and Sonny sleep separately, as he prefers the dark and quiet.

They have a comfortable arrangement. I don’t know that I could live with him, but they make it work: he gratefully eats what she prepares, sings to Ellen, chimes in when she’s on the phone, and tells just the dirtiest jokes. He’s completely devoted to her, as she is to him, and he even loves when Dottie and Livi come to visit, almost as much as his girl does.

Ellen is the queeniest of Queenagers. Spunky, funny and full of life and great stories. To say that Rob and I love having her and Sonny in our lives is an understatement. They’re just another in the long list of gifts that this island has brought to our healing hearts this year.

Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include a picture of this gorgeous couple, and I will, right after I share this exciting news.

My Gracefully and Frankly podcast partner Lisa Brandt and I are hosting a Queenagers’ cruise in November 0f 2027. If you’ve ever wanted to do a river cruise with a group of like-minded, fun-seeking, PJ-loving women – this one along the Danube for the Christmas markets of Germany, Austria and Hungary – click on this link and get more info.

We’re planning all kinds of “just us” things to do, so please don’t put off signing up – there are special discounts that only hold until the end of this month. All it takes is a deposit for now, and we’d love to have you along. You deserve this, and having something to look forward to helps bring our lives joy. And that’s what it’s all about.

And now, as promised, Ellen and her precious Sonny. Gosh, I do hope I didn’t ruffle any feathers with that description of their May/December relationship! I wish you a great week, with a reminder Lisa and I will have Episode 197 of Gracefully and Frankly ready for you on Thursday, which will include Lisa opening my presents to her on her actual birthday!

Just a thought… None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. [Henry David Thoreau]

Lisa and I have a huge announcement about an upcoming opportunity to travel with us, coming this Thursday on our Gracefully and Frankly podcast Episode 196. Don’t miss it!

I’m weird, right? I count down to my birthday by months every year like a 10-year-old, and poor Rob is always trying to come up with ways to make the day special for me. This year, it was a totally DIY operation, and we both participated with terrific – and surprising – results. Even our late daughter “popped” in.

Saturday morning came gently and with a beautiful flat white almond milk concoction. As he said, “How do I make you a special coffee, when you get these (nearly) every day?” Good point.

The day was peppered with texts, messages here and there (thank you!) and a FaceTime with Colin and Jane in Ottawa, who helped me blow out candles from afar.

Because we spend most of our time on a small Gulf island with no finer dining options (which to me includes a place to eat without TVs or ball caps on; my bar is low), we decided to made our own little feast.

I bought frozen seafood and made a cream and white cheese sauce to have with lobster, scallops and shrimp, poured over pasta for Rob and riced konjac (a carb-free plant) for me. With the great assistance of my sous chef, we had a delicious meal. I could barely concentrate on eating it while waiting for dessert, though…my favourite rainbow cake from a grocery store in Sidney. Originally a Pride Month offering, it’s available now year-round and thank goodness. I mean, look at this!

There were two noteworthy moments. 

The funny one of the day was when it came to opening my presents. There was an incredible bath robe which I not only wear but sleep under; it’s cushy and plush and gorgeous. And a candle warmer to fill the cabin with my favourite smells. Although I have plenty on hand, my go-to is the rather redundant scent of fir trees. I can’t help it if I love forest living! Rob bought me a second set of AirPods so I never leave a pair at the condo and always have something to listen with on my long walks. But early last week I’d gotten a box of items I’d ordered online and suggested he wrap them. One of them – a set of artificial nails to help me when my bruised index nail falls off and we don’t cover it with polish – I opened and exclaimed how thoughtful he was to go into our shopping cart and see what I’d left there. But then he informed me that, no, I had indeed ordered them. “Take the damned WIN, Rob!” I laughed. Is this what my future looks like? Buying my own presents and forgetting them? Probably. It could be worse!

Then a moment that stopped us in our tracks.

We had the Beatles channel playing on Sirius XM in the cabin and were about to sit down to dinner. I reminded Rob of the sparkling de-alcoholized wine and he opened the cabin door to shoot off the cork. The moment it popped, the familiar clarinet notes began to play: “When I’m 64.” My age. My day. Our daughter. Thanks, Loo.

So as I’m settling into saying 64, I am grateful. Glad that Rob has promised he’ll still need me and still feed me (or help me prepare meals) and that is more than enough. Now just one more year ’til I ride the ferry to get to Pender for free, four days a week. ‘Cause freedom is what this part of our lives should be all about, right?

And thanks to Mali B. who made this in honour of my big day. Thank you, sweet Mali. I wish!