Erin's Journals

Just a thought… The last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. [Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning]

How is it that I forgot the key message I gave in speeches: the quote above from Dr. Viktor Frankl? How could I have let myself be mired in the grief of not having our grandkids around anymore and the uncertainty of our house and so on, sinking into an abyss of despair?

Those are the questions that came to me as I sat in the little top-down MINI, enjoying a gentle summer’s day ride back to Rob, Dottie and Livi. I guess the answer is easy: I’m human.

Here’s my ferry pulling in to the harbour to take me back to Vancouver Island. Quite a sight….

Last week I did a whole lot of nothing much. I wrote two Drift sleep stories and started the laborious project I’ve taken on of putting some favourites to video for YouTube. (They’re not up yet: I want to upload a whole bunch at once.)

I got our Gracefully and Frankly Episode 82 prepared to go up to the internet despite sometimes facing WiFi challenges. I walked the beach, listened to Lauren singing on my phone, met a river otter (hope you saw my video story!) and just slept in, ate in, and watched an entire series on Prime: Daisy Jones and the Six – the story of a 70s band loosely based on the drugging and slugging drama behind Fleetwood Mac.

Oh, and for those between times? There were always ancient episodes of Forensic Files. (Sidebar: Hey! Have you heard of this new stuff called DNA? This could change everything! LOL)

I kept up on news while simultaneously avoiding most of it, remembered Bob Newhart by watching some of his best internet clips, and started reading a book set on Mayne Island, my home for four nights.

Mostly, though, I enjoyed the silence. The solitude. The gratitude that I was able – and allowing myself (with Rob’s blessing, not permission) – to be alone and shake off the overall malaise I’ve been curled into for the past several months.

It wasn’t a quick fix; it took a long while to get into the funk and it’ll take a long while to get out. Distractions are my friend I’ll be getting both of those things when pod-partner and pal Lisa Brandt arrives here in just over a week!

Then what? Aw, who knows….

Life is short, summer is shorter and damn it, July is shortest of all. So here are a few of the pictures I took on my one short excursion from the cabin to the beach. I hope you enjoy them.

Just a thought… I always joke and laugh when people ask me what’s the key to my long marriage and lasting love. I always say ‘stay gone!’ and there’s a lot of truth to that. [Dolly Parton]

Welcome to a brand new week and the second half of my favourite month of the year.

You know, sometimes when things feel stuck, it’s up to us to move. Like instead of waiting for things around us to happen, we have to do what we can, change what’s possible, and create new opportunities.

I lost sight of that for a few weeks at the end of June, sinking into the mire of depression that hits all of us from time to time. Fortunately I don’t suffer as some do; I can see what’s happening and know that it will pass. This time I decided to try something old and something new.

The something new is getting back to work: yes, I’m already busy with three podcasts – and in case you missed it, our Gracefully & Frankly with Lisa Brandt and me is growing, and we’re going to do a Facebook Live event on August 8^th at 8 pm eastern time (08-08-at 8 pm is an easy way to remember!) and you can learn more at our G&F Facebook page. So there’s plenty cooking there.

But I’ve decided to try to get more listens to my sleep stories too: now that there are over 100 of them and there are only so many princesses and royalty-free short stories I can mine, I am working to put a relaxing video to each story (it’ll be footage I have shot or found myself) and post them to a special dedicated YouTube channel. Plenty of people, myself included, watch or listen to meditations on YouTube, admittedly made much less annoying by eliminating ads via the premium feature. So, why not sleep stories? Please, please sign up here (I won’t bother you, I promise).

And if I can find a way to allow banner ads or some passive way to add income to keep funding my travel passion, I’ll do that. It will never interrupt your rest!

This is a mighty steep learning curve I’m on, but between hot flash-inducing frustration at not having a millennial in our lives to walk me through how to do this, and the fear that all of the hours of extra work involved in adding video will amount to no discernible increases in watches, listens and yes, income, I’ll persist! I need the distraction. And work has always saved me.

And for the “old” to which I’m turning? Well, that would be travel. Not the long trips that I love so much, but I’m running away from home today, hopping on an island ferry and going to one of the local Gulf Islands I’ve yet to visit: Mayne Island. Ironically, our house is just off a street called Mayneview. So, while we could see it, neither Rob nor I have visited.

Rob’s chosen to stay back and continue to work at the condo. Discovering that our new place’s washer/dryer set is too small and our dishwasher too old, we have appliances arriving this week. I had hoped to find a cabin somewhere, but living in a part of the country that people flock to in the summertime, it’s not easy to get a spot with just a few days’ notice. So, fingers crossed, the resort will offer me the solitude to edit, to write, to rest and rejuvenate. There won’t be alpacas like the last place to which I escaped, but who knows? I may make other animal friends.

My two furries from home can’t come, as there are no more pet-friendly spots available where I’m booked; Rob has generously agreed to take on full care of Dottie and Livi so that we can all be free of each other for a few days.

Being happily married for this long means recognizing when you need a break. We both know this is not like us: short fuses, impatience and just an overall feeling of fedupedness with our lives and each other. So I’m creating a little space between us – something we both need. And when he says I should think about going away, I never ever take it the wrong way. To me, it’s another sign of love: living the promise of our wedding vows to “encourage your own fulfillment as an individual.” Will I miss him? Sure. And that’s part of the point.

You have a good week. Because good WiFi is a necessity no matter where I travel, I’ll be bringing back a favourite Drift with Erin Davis sleep story tomorrow and a brand new Gracefully and Frankly Episode 82 on Thursday, where we talk earthquakes, good “personal” vibrations and the celebs we’ve lost in the past week, and a few behind-the-scenes tales. Talk to you soon!

Just a thought… Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. [Desmond Tutu]

Welcome in – and I’m happy to share, at last, a bit of good news.

No, our house hasn’t sold; we’re still living straddled between two places, although we have vacated the house while leaving it (mostly) furnished so that it appears lived-in. The St. Joseph statue planted in the garden and even the little feng shui golden frog gifted to me from my podcast partner and pal Lisa haven’t yet done their magic, but again, our fingers are crossed. It’ll take more than talismans (talismen?) to sell our place; we expect, as it was in our case, it’ll be the right people walking in and falling in love.

The good news comes in the form of a new home for our father, who spent over a month in a hospital bed awaiting any port in a storm. We finally got word two weeks ago from Interior Health here in BC that they’d found him a bed in a four-man room at a local care home in Kelowna.

He seems to be adjusting to the way they run things, albeit with uncharacteristic (dementia-sparked) cantankerousness: Dad refused to get out of bed the other day when they were rousing the other residents. He’s gotten used to sleeping in until 10 am and, once the folks at the home discussed his preferences with sister Leslie, things were ironed out. They really seem to care and now Dad sleeps as long as he wants, as often as he wants.

Kind of like the way I’m living right now, if I’m honest.

We’re grateful that we’ve found a place for Dad to be cared for. His needs became too much for Leslie to handle, plus (like us) she’s changing her living arrangements and they wouldn’t have accommodated Dad’s growing care requirements. We’re also thankful that the home is near to sister Heather’s place. Her husband drops by regularly with treats and Dad’s feeling anything but neglected.

I want to share with you a small personal milestone that was marked on the weekend: I collected a five-year coin for sobriety. There was the customary cake, as those who also celebrated – whether two months or 44 years (all accumulated just one day at a time) – told their stories and enjoyed the fellowship of a lot of good people.

Rob presented me with my chip and told everyone how proud of me he is for staying sober during the hardships of the past six months. It hasn’t occurred to me to self-medicate, even in the depths of depression. I’m just so lucky to have my partner urging me on, giving me strength and being just so very tolerant and understanding. In a time when it’s so easy to slide into a bad case of the summertime blues, (for which renowned rock ‘n’ roll philosopher Eddie Cochrane reminded us there is no cure LOL) I count my blessings. And no doubt, Robbie is at the top of that list.

Have an easy week and I’ll have a new Drift with Erin Davis sleep story for you tomorrow, plus of course we’ll be back Thursday with Episode 81 of Gracefully & Frankly with Lisa Brandt. We have some fun news to share with you then – don’t miss it and a chance to get a neat little gift just for listening and sharing us with your besties.

Just a thought… Speaking words of wisdom, Let it Be. [Paul McCartney]

(taken a few years back in their BC yard)

We had our first FaceTime with the grandkids this past week. They were understandably frenetic and running around to show us the mostly-empty rooms (furniture is due to arrive on the truck today), the latest in snack foods and their uber-cool basement play area. No meaningful conversation, but then, I think those may be taking a hiatus for a bit – at least until we all settle into a routine of when we can sit for heart-to-hearts. And that, I realize, may come only in person.

During a quiet evening before his recent move to Ottawa, I had a chance to sit down with Colin. I felt a need to instill some kind of wisdom before he, his sister, parents and beloved furry family member Sammy (to whom Dottie is as attached as we are to the humans in the family) pulled away to board the ferry to the rest of Canada and begin their week-long drive to Ontario.

Do you remember any advice your grandparents gave you? Or did they just lead by example?

Mine never sat me down and talked to me; it just wasn’t a thing for the generations that preceded us (or at least the ones with whom I’m familiar). But the grandmother to whom I was closest did write in my autograph book long ago, these words:

They’ve always stayed with me. Maybe it’s because I love a rhyme (and I do love those), but mostly because they’re true. And I wish I knew where Gram picked that up, because I haven’t been able to find it credited to anyone else. And I think that they are words that this tough-as-nails depression-era bride lived by through the death of her toddler daughter and the hard times that accompanied living with the moody ladies’ man/musician/artist who was my beloved Grandad Moore.

I had given this a lot of thought. What could I possibly say to a nine-year-old that might stick with him?

I told him two things: to be kind – to remember what a beautiful and loving heart he has and never to let that be crushed by anyone. To know that not everyone will like him and it will be the hardest thing to understand (as it was for me) but that they didn’t matter; all that matters is his kindness to those who need it most. And he’s already living by that advice; it’s part of who he is.

The second bit of wisdom (or at least it is for me) is this, and you’ve heard me talk about it on Gracefully & Frankly with Lisa, and here so often: you won’t be able to control the things around you, so all you can control is how you react. To put it in terms he could understand, we said we didn’t want Lauren to die, but she did and all we could do was open our hearts to love even more people like Brooke, who became his mom, and of course his sister Jane. We decided we would be happy again, just as he is adjusting to leaving his life here for new adventures.

Did any of my words sink in? Who knows with a child that age? He has a mind that can tell you what team won the 1953 World Series, or the jersey numbers of more players than names I know – both in hockey and baseball – but where, in that brain, do these words land?

Perhaps they’ll find their designated home in his heart. And he’ll remember the words that were meant as stitching when it’s breaking, or fortification when he needs it. They have done so for Rob and for me in the past, as they will – hopefully – continue to do in the weeks and months ahead.

And on we go – paddling slowly and looking ahead instead of over our shoulders – as best we can.

Welcome to a new week – and I have a special treat for you. Before my former radio partner Mike Cooper departed last week, we sat down for a heart-to-heart (complete with pups) on the deck. Enjoy the view and stay for a special “love ya, buh-bye” as he heads off…. Here’s a link.