Just a thought… Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling her it was crooked. [Amy Morin]
There aren’t many people to whom you can write a text asking, “Is this an okay time for a trauma dump?” and get an “Absolutely!” in response. Today I’m calling a ride to take me to the airport where I’ll wait for that person to come out of the long lines and crowded terminal. And there will be a big, big hug, right there in front of everyone. No trauma, unless it’s on her end, which it shouldn’t be, since she’s flying direct on Porter from Hamilton! No US stopovers, no sardine seating (or eating, depending on what her seat mate brings in their lunch).
That friend is Lisa Brandt. For the past three years she’s been my podcast partner, but I wanted to tell you a bit more about our relationship. Today seems a good day to do that; focussing on the positive is always a healthy thing, as challenging as it can be.
We first met in the studios of Toronto radio station CHFI. Lisa would pop in hourly to do information updates, leaving her desk down the hall at 680 News to do so. Eventually she’d be promoted to half of the morning news team there and Mary Ellen Beninger would come in, followed by the sparkling Steve Roberts who was let go while I was on vacation, for reasons I believe had to do with him having better chemistry with me than the guy who was supposed to be my new co-host. Petty, petty, petty.
But back to Lisa. With similar shifts and health aims, she and I would goad each other into going to the gym together even when we were too tired to lace up our sneakers. It was there that more of a friendship was forged: there’s nothing like puffing through your list of grievances on parallel treadmills to strengthen bonds and make the time pass quickly.
Eventually Lisa left Toronto radio altogether to pursue a gentler life with her love, Derek Botten. But we stayed in touch. She grieved with us when Lauren died; we cheered her on through every change and immense challenge in her career in smaller-city radio. She got on planes to come visit me, whether in BC, California or – today – Mexico, and welcomed me to her and Derek’s home when I’d make the trip east.
More than that, though, she’s been my sober second thought. Deeply rooted in Stoicism, Lisa’s ability to see trauma and drama from a different angle has helped me off more ledges than I can count. When we’re putting together our lineup for each week’s show at www.gracefullyandfrankly.com she tamps down my rage and moves the needle back more towards sanity.
The days I want to scream, I only seethe and, for me, that’s progress. I don’t always appreciate it, but I see the wisdom and remember the motto that’s virtually printed on every lineup: “What’s In It For the Listener?”- a perspective drilled into us since college and one that hasn’t failed us yet. It’s not about us, it’s about you.
I’ve had the honour of doing that one last read-over before she published her latest series of books (the Felicity & Mitzi series you can find at the G&F website). I’ve cheered her on but felt free enough to ask questions that I know won’t offend her. She has the emotional IQ to say that she’s aware I’m only trying to bring out her best. When one of us errs in spelling, grammar or a simple missed space in a social post, the other will point it out. She’s that friend who will quietly fix your crooked crown. Whisper to maybe dial it back a bit. Tell you about the toilet paper on your heel, or how you could have worded that better.
As she arrives today we’ll spend hours talking, laughing, raging (just a bit), and preparing for a Facebook Live event happening January 22nd at 8 pm eastern time (www.facebook.com/GracefullyandFrankly). We’ll wander a mall, take countless dog walks and get that charcoal barbecue going, like the tough Wilderness Women we are. She’ll be here when I scan and sign the paperwork for Rob’s and my newest adventure, that cottage on Pender Island. And if our previous visits have been an indication, she’ll land a great big voice job while she’s with me. Honestly, I’m a bit of a good luck charm that way!
So perhaps that luck, our warmth, our friendship, are what make it safe for me to ask her if she’ll listen to me dump the contents of my broken heart on her that day. She never says “no” but if she did, I’d step back and wait until the timing was right.
Because that’s the thing about a really great friend: they don’t just find the time, they make the time.
And starting today, for two glorious weeks, we’re going to make this time OURS. I’ll be counting the minutes until my airport trip. There’s nothing like being greeted at arrivals by someone who is thrilled to have you there. Let the “SQUEEEEEEs” begin.