Erin's Journals

Ah, the weekend. As you settle in for another cold one, we’re hoping to come out of a week’s worth of rain. Yes, the rains you’ve been hearing about in LA – just two hours’ drive from us – beat snow and wind chills and I am not looking for pity! But truly this is weather we could have had for free in Victoria. Oh, well. We’re still finding snowbirding to agree with us for the most part, even though we’re in total work mode almost all of the time – but in all the best ways! Writing, recording and writing some more. All good.
 
Speaking of writing, an event in OTTAWA has been confirmed! If you or someone you know who might benefit from Mourning Has Broken lives in the National Capital Region, please feel free to share this link and I’ll see you – and/or them – on the 28th!
 
So, before the busyness of February kicks in here, and this being a January weekend for us all, may I offer a few suggestions as we hunker down together for a few days? With yesterday being the former First Lady’s birthday, it reminded me of a cherished Christmas present from my sister-in-law Sue: Michelle Obama’s autobiography.
 
Sue gave it to us, along with the most unique bookmark: a new Canadian ten dollar bill featuring another pioneering woman of colour, Viola Desmond, a black Nova Scotia businesswoman who took a stand at a segregated movie theatre in 1946 and, in so doing, became an icon for the civil rights movement. Thank you, Sue – and thank you Michelle and Viola. A perfect backdrop to the upcoming Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day on Monday. 
 

 
If you’d like to catch up on a movie or two before the Oscar nominations come down in the coming week, or in light of the Golden Globes last weekend, boy, do I have a suggestion for you: The Wife.
 

 
Before we saw it this week, I thought that Lady Gaga was a shoo-in for the Best Actress Oscar for her debut role in A Star is Born. (Truly, Bradley Cooper has pulled off a huge coup as the director of this first-timer and he deserves to get a statue for his work.) But after seeing Glenn Close in this defining role as the woman in the shadow of her husband’s Nobel Prize-winning writing work (and the twists that come as the story unfolds) I’m convinced that this is a performance that deserves all of the accolades. All of them. AJAC Car of the Year – I don’t care. Give her all of them.
 
At the risk of unforgivably giving anything away, I can’t tell you much about this story – adapted from the novel by Meg Wolitzer – except to tell you that it’s rich, deep and extremely compelling. The film itself has conflict but no violence; there’s no nudity or horror – just an excellent story well told and performed with deftness and authenticity. See The Wife if you – like me – lament the lack of movies without superheroes or a cacophony of special effects marring or augmenting a narrative. 
 
Have a cozy weekend and thank you for spending time with me here every day. I’ll be back with you Monday.
 

Today: details on an evening Up Close and Personal CHFI appearance that you can win chances to attend. I’ll share that with you below. But first…
 
They say that “ignorance is bliss” but I’m afraid it’s been less than blissful not to know just how the book business works. An overwhelmingly positive experience, I’d like to show you just the stumbles and learning opportunities I’ve experienced.
 
I didn’t have to write a book and shop it around – or I just wouldn’t have done it. Doing a little digging (thanks to medium.com) I learned that 1% of all first-time authors who submit a manuscript are published. I’d put myself in a far, far smaller fraction of lucky writers who had a publisher come to them and say, “I think you’ve got a book in you…” and I will always, always be grateful to Iris Tupholme at HarperCollins for being in the audience of CityLine that day. It was a fluke encounter and, yes, I think Lauren had a little something to do with it. 
 
I was given basic instructions on how the book should go (don’t write in chronological order, as that’s not how you would tell an interesting story at a party) and went from there. Or I was supposed to; for a few months I dragged my feet. Eventually, Iris gently asked if I wanted a ghost writer. That was enough to get my butt in gear and I said, “No! I can do this!” and eventually, with the help of Rob and a team of incredible editors, we did.
 
Fast forward to the end of 2018. The short list of book signings and appearances (and long list of media visits) begins to take shape. Someone tells me on FB or Twitter that they see Mourning Has Broken: Love, Loss and Reclaiming Joy is available for pre-sale ahead of its February 26 2019 release, on Amazon. Yippee! (I later learn that of course it’s available at HarperCollins.ca – which I should have assumed.)
 
Then January, and actual dates and times arrive. And I learn that if you are coming to a book signing, you need to buy the book there. A visitor tells me that she was in Chapters Indigo in Oshawa on Monday and was told that they’ll have my book for sale on its release date, February 26. She was also advised that she should buy the book that day, go in early (before the actual appearance and signing on the 27th) and she’ll be placed in a group and informed of the time. Also, to bring the book and receipt when she goes.
 
I’m not entirely sure what this all means, but I’m hoping you do. Again, I just put words together – not events. But if you have questions, I’ll ask you to call the store. And I’m sorry not to know more.
 
What to tell people who pre-ordered: “Sorry, you can’t come?” My intention is to meet, hug and sign for whomever wants it, but I understand fully that the reason a book store holds a book signing is to sell books. Duh! If you’ve pre-ordered, it’s unlikely you’ll receive your copy in time to have me sign it (if that’s what you want), especially for the events prior to February 26th.
 
So here’s what I’m going to suggest: if you’ve pre-ordered, you might try to find someone who might want to buy it from you, then perhaps you could buy another at the book signing event. I know that is probably impractical and not very bright, but I don’t know what else to suggest. Just know that I’ll be doing everything I can to make this right, all along the way. The last thing I want to do is upset anyone who has been supportive of our little family and this great big book. So we’ll beg forgiveness or permission, but I have to put the rules (not mine) out there for you. 
 
For anyone who’s been wondering why I’m not doing a Toronto appearance per se, I can tell you that there has been something in the works through my – and your – favourite radio station.
 
It’s a website-only promotion for now (meaning you’ll hear about it next month), but I can tell you that morning goddess Maureen Holloway will be interviewing me in the intimate confines of the Rogers Theatre at 1 Ted Rogers Way. It will be from 7-9 pm on February 26 and if you’re not there, excerpts will air on the morning show the next day. Thanks to the radio family and friends at CHFI who made this possible. And of course there will be book signings! Here’s a link.
 
While the two Oakville and two Uxbridge appearances are now sold out, there may also be another appearance in the works, but I’m not at liberty to mention it yet. I’m hoping to have more details, but please click LIKE on my Facebook page for instant updates or just go to the What’s Up section of this website. I’ll be updating that – including those media appearances if you care to know – on both spots. I’m not 100% on Instagram, as you have to have a picture (and how many times can I post a book cover?) and of course I’ll keep you abreast on Twitter too @erindavis. 
 
So that’s where I am. Getting a nosebleed from this learning curve and trying not to cause too much upset along the way. All I know is that I have had just the most amazing support and kindness, from you and from the HarperCollins publicist, Melissa Nowakowski. She’s been terrific and so hard working that I want to send her flowers every day.
 
Also, from a more personal standpoint, if you’ve emailed me of late and haven’t yet received a response, it’s because I’m working on a recording project. I’m having to prioritize my time and, trust me, if you’ve written about loss or are seeking some perspective or advice, I have tagged it in red and am answering as soon as I can have a few quiet moments. Your emails and notes have always meant a lot to me. When I click Like on your FB comments, I mean it. And I’ll often respond when I can, as well. Please know I read every one.
 
Also, with FB, if you haven’t yet hit LIKE, you may be on the dormant one (with the whiteout picture). Just go to the right one and click LIKE and anytime there’s an update, you’ll get it immediately.
 
Gee, I’m sorry for all of the info and minutiae here. I hope even a bit of it is helpful. As I’ve said, there’s so much to learn and, in its way, this has been the most challenging part of an already grueling (but satisfying) journey. Stay with me. As my longtime employer Ted Rogers always said, “The best is yet to come.” 
 
Have a peaceful day and thank you.
 

Well, here’s some good news: according to the New York Times, FDA food inspectors are being brought back to work, so perhaps I can feel safe buying salads from the store again.
 
I promised you yesterday that I’d finish my Olive Garden story.
 
To recap: Rob and I visited the restaurant in nearby Palm Desert to treat ourselves to their salad, breadsticks and menu offerings. If you’ve seen the American ads for their lobster, shrimp mac & cheese, I can tell you that there was far more lobster on TV than there was in my little dish, but it was satisfying nonetheless. Uncharacteristically, since it was a “special item” there were no calories posted on the menu; I guess that means the dish didn’t have any? Yeah – nice try. I ordered it anyway.
 
When we entered the restaurant, we noticed three TVs behind the bar. One had on Fox “News.” I tweeted about that and was sent a direct message asking that I continue the conversation off Twitter and they apologized for letting me down. While I realized that was a pretty standard cut-and-paste response, I was somewhat satisfied even to have been heard. Then I got this email from the actual restaurant itself.
 

 
Dear Erin,
 
The televisions in our restaurants are usually tuned to news or sports. Our employees should also change the channel if there is any objectionable content. Because they spend most of their time serving our guests, it’s not always possible to monitor what’s on the screen. We’re sorry that Fox News being aired took away from your dining experience.
 
Comments from our guests are appreciated, especially when we didn’t meet your expectations, and yours will ensure we are always serving you in the best manner possible.
 
Sincerely,
 
Sonali
Olive Garden Guest Relations

Someone on my Facebook page yesterday suggested that maybe the TV had been left on after a football game; I responded to him that Fox “News” doesn’t air football (at least not to my knowledge) but that, of course, their programming network – the one that carries The Simpsons, etc. – does. So, no, that wasn’t the case.
 
At least they got back to me. At least. I don’t know if we’ll choose to dine there again, as there are so many different offerings (yes, even a Cheesecake Factory) and we rarely go out to dinner. So it’s wise to spread our little Canadian dollars around when we go out.
 
But I feel that at least this one person has been heard. What they choose to do with my input is completely up to them. Red Lobster wisely pulled their ads from hateful Tucker Carlson’s show after he said that immigrants make America “poor” and “dirtier.” People are making themselves heard with their wallets and since voting can’t be guaranteed to produce the desired outcome – thanks to all kinds of mitigating factors, from the Electoral College to foreign meddling – at least the bottom line for the bottom feeders is suffering.
 
Finally, here’s what I wrote back to Sonali:

Dearest Sonali –
 
Thank you for a sincere and thoughtful reply.
 
My response to you, in addition to gratitude, is that where constant misinformation and propaganda are concerned, Fox News is always objectionable content. (And this is from a Canadian!) You might not think we have a “dog in this fight” but the destruction of the peaceful democracy that our massive neighbours to the south – you folks – have always displayed is being dismantled and shattered with every passing day. It breaks our hearts, as your friendly neighbours, and that’s why my distinct distaste where Fox is concerned.
 
Please rethink your policy of having a news channel on. In any casino we visited in Vegas it was (predictably) all sports, but there are so many other channels from which to choose.
 
And once again, I know we’re just two people – irrationally excited to see an Olive Garden after so many in Canada did not survive – but we care deeply for the democracy and the situation that is happening in your country.
 
Sincerely,
 
Erin Davis

And that’s how our conversation went. Again, as I say in the letter, our comments and feelings don’t amount (to quote Rick in Casablanca) to a “hill of beans” but maybe, just maybe, Sonali and other folks at this beloved restaurant chain will think twice – or even once – about what’s on their TVs. Have a lovely day and I’ll be back with you tomorrow.
 

And so the US government shutdown stretches into its fourth week with absolutely no end in sight. A ridiculous wall that malevalent Roger Stone and his brain trust came up with to help tRump stay on message in his campaign rallies has become the barrier between hundreds of thousands of government workers and their much-needed paychecks.
 
Keeping in mind a stat that said most Americans (and probably a good number of Canadians) were only about $400 between meeting their bill deadlines and financial disaster, you have to believe that the holidays and just living have eaten up a lot of families’ and individuals’ reserves. It’s so sad.
 
On the positive side, Canadian air traffic controllers were buying pizza for their American counterparts. That was a nice story; of course, it’s terrible that they need it. There have been food banks set up in the Tampa, Florida airport for employees’ families. (“If you’re travelling through Tampa International, bring some donations….”)
 
It’s all just pathetic. A guy who built his image on being able to make deals (although we all know he didn’t write The Art of the Deal, Tony Schwartz did, to his massive regret), simply won’t – or can’t – negotiate. Prior to the shutdown, he had 100 percent votes from both sides for money for the repairs to the wall and when far right wing loudmouths Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter told tRump not to back down, he backpedalled. Dealmaker, indeed.
 
Because of the shutdown, we’ve been worried about buying produce down here and, as such, have been digging into the freezer for whatever offerings Costco tempted us with when first we arrived. Chicken pot pie? My oh my! Lasagna? Bring it on, yeah! But I’ve been craving salads and was worried about buying produce, given that inspectors have been laid off and lettuce seems especially susceptible to E. coli and other nastiness. What to do? First off, look for accurate information.
 
Fortunately, I came across an NPR article that allayed our fears somewhat. Apparently stores like Costco have their own stringent set of inspections, so as to avoid a debacle like having to recall a large amount of food. Here’s the story, which you may want to share if you have friends or family south of the border this winter. 
 
But wait, there’s more! Before I read this NPR story, still craving salad, Rob and I went for a late lunch on Friday to the Olive Garden in nearby Palm Desert. With just six such restaurants in Canada (all in the west) it’s been a long time since we’d indulged in their bottomless salads and soft breadsticks. So off we went.
 
I anticipated a pleasant experience and, for the most part, it was. But upon entering the restaurant, behind the greeters’ podium were three TVs. One of them was set on Fox “News.” Now, it wasn’t as though the other two were CNN or MSNBC. No, it was the only channel of its type on the TVs. I gritted my teeth and hoped we wouldn’t be seated anywhere that I could see the nauseating channel that has helped dupe so many already ill-informed Americans. (Thankfully we were not.)
 
I always keep in mind that I’m a guest in this country. The person at the table next to us could have voted for tRump; I remember that, too. It seemed especially likely when we took a look at him: the guy who wore a long white pony tail under his Harley ballcap. He just looked like someone at a MAGA rally.
 
Before we had ordered and as he was leaving, he joined us in a conversation about the My Fitness Pal app that we were discussing with our shared server. He seemed nice enough, I suppose. Probably is. Lost 20 pounds in three weeks using that app (which I’m back on, too). But we did not talk politics. Why would we, unless I was looking to get into trouble? And as much as I despise hats on in restaurants – something I’m just going to have to get over, obviously – it was a Harley lid and not a MAGA hat. I had no quarrel with this man.
 
We ate our meal and went home, but not before I took one last look over my shoulder at the TVs. Yep, Fox “News” was still on. And soon Tucker “Immigrants are dirty” Carlson and tRump’s personal mouthpiece (and Michael Cohen client #3) Sean Hannity would be coming on and spewing their lies. 
 
I couldn’t stay quiet.
 
Once at home, I went to the Olive Garden’s website and left a comment. An auto response said that they’d get back to me within five days. Reasonable enough. Then I went on Twitter and wrote: “Just wrote @olivegarden about how unappetizing it was to see state-run Faux “News” on their bar TV as we entered. They promise a response within 5 days. I’ll let you know.”
 
About five minutes after I posted that to my 24.7 k followers, I noticed @olivegarden following me. Then I got a message from them asking me to DM them with my comments. In other words, “We want to hear your complaint, but let’s take it offline.” Okay, I thought, I’ll respect your request – and I did. 
 
I wrote: 

Hi folks – my husband and I visited your location in Palm Desert CA yesterday and were delighted with the service and menu. What almost had us leave before sitting down was seeing Fox “News” on one of three TVs behind the bar. Regardless of whom you advertise with (and I hope it’s not State Run propaganda TV) I’d rather be greeted by an aquarium or the weather channel than a station that has done nothing but spew lies and dispense misinformation. Please ask the OG GM to rethink her/his choice of TV channels. Because as newcomers to Palm Springs we don’t want to rethink our choice of reasonable family restaurants. Thank you, Erin Davis.

I’m pretty sure that the response I received within moments was cookie cutter (or pasta maker) in its contents.
 

 
Nonetheless, it felt good at least to let them know that, no, it wasn’t okay (in our opinion) to have that hate-filled channel on in a restaurant. I realize that it could have been a case of thoughtlessness rather than by design: the bartender just changed to what the solo patron having a drink asked him to, someone put it on while cleaning overnight and that’s what it was on. Or just maybe the boss WANTED that channel on. I would find out the next day, and I’ll share that letter from the restaurant with you here tomorrow.
 
For now, I’ll climb down from this soapbox now and get back to making my Fitness Pal proud of me today. I’ve got to walk off some breadsticks and pasta – even though the Palm Spring rain was of Biblical proportions yesterday.
 
By the way, if you need a smile, here’s a link to the latest video from Randy Rainbow, a guy I think is just so funny and talented. I think you’ll enjoy his musical take on the border wall situation. Turn it up!
 

A Quick Note: I’ve added a What’s Up post to my website homepage (just scroll up if you’re reading this on Monday), so you can check in to see where I’ll be speaking next. For example, it’s official that I’ll be at Chapters Indigo in Oshawa on Wednesday, February 27 at 7 pm. Wait to buy your book then and maybe we’ll see you at Chapters! 
 
I trust you stayed warm this weekend and are ready to face a brand new week. I did and I am, so here we go!
 
There have been some big and not-so-big things going on in the world of late, and being focussed on things like angels and books and such here, I haven’t had a chance to weigh in on a few. They’re pretty minute in the big picture, but they’ve gotten me thinking. Thought they might be food for thought for you, as well.
 
A study last week showed that the people most likely to spread so-called “fake news” on Facebook are over 65 years old and lean politically to the right. I had to stop and think about it and I believe I’ve come up with a reason. 
 
I’m reminded of the early days of the internet, when Rob’s dear stepmom would send us warnings about needles at ATMs (“welcome to the world of AIDS” the note nearby would say) and such. I was even at a memorial where a bereaved father cited the hoax of a drugged person waking up in a bathtub of ice with no kidney, as illustration of how awful the world is. Yes, it can be awful (and certainly was to his murdered daughter), but that story was just not true. 
 
Every day, I get dozens of notes to my now defunct Facebook page (not the one that you visit, I’m sure – the one I shut down has no face picture) about friend requests, holding a finger down, etc. and it’s a hoax. Just not true. I’ve given up writing to people to tell them; there’s just no point and I don’t want to make them feel foolish. I’m not the internet police and can only control what I put out there. 
 
So you see, there are plenty of ways for unsuspecting people to get tripped up. And even in 2019 when we should all know better, some still simply do not suspect, or they choose not to ask, since it fits with their world view. My solution: Google the subject of the story and add the word “hoax.” 98.1% of the time, my spidey senses are correct.
 
But here’s the reason I believe that fake news is spread more by seniors than anyone else. My grandmother back in the 1980s would read the National Enquirer (or the “Inquiry” as she’d call it). When I’d tell her that many of the stories she was reading simply weren’t true, she’d ask in all innocence, “Well, then, how can they print them?”
 
That’s the world she – and many of us – grew up in. You just couldn’t put something in print unless it could be backed up with facts (except for the trash by the cash which seemingly has always been held to a much lower standard until someone stepped up and sued their miserable butts). The same belief goes for outlets like Fox News, who routinely fabricate and are simply mouthpieces (and inspiration) for tRump. Although it’s not licensed as a news outlet, it’s in their name and, therefore, viewers believe what they are watching.
 
Thankfully, here in Canada, a news network is held to a higher standard. You may not agree with the perspective one takes, but at least you know they’re obligated to be factual and not incendiary propaganda machines like the aforementioned US network – the one that spread the Birther movement and has some people still believing that the 44th POTUS is a “secret Muslim,” for heaven’s sake.
 
My take is that seniors believe because they can’t imagine people just putting together such convincing lies. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the rest of us have been raised in a more skeptical age. And Facebook news is the place where the most disinformation is spread. Oh, Zuckerberg, what hath you wrought?
 
I always felt sheepish about sending back Rob’s stepmom’s emails and telling her that they just weren’t true. Her heart was in the right place and I never wanted to embarrass this bright woman by correcting her. All I ever hoped was that it wouldn’t be spread any further. I’m afraid I’m whistling in the wind these days….
 
Have a gentle Monday and I’ll be back here tomorrow. And that’s the truth!