Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. [Steve Jobs]

As you may know, if you follow me on Facebook, I’m down here in California for a few months. Thankfully, we are safe: there were some unusually strong winds last Thursday, but other than dealing with their messy aftermath of debris from trees, and furniture blown around the yard, we have been spared anything even remotely like the horrors of the hurricane of fire that winds have wrought in the Los Angeles area. Those affected are in our thoughts every hour of every day. As I swept up leaves and garbage that made its way to our yard, I thought: Thank God these aren’t ashes.

My stay here (solo now as Rob went home Boxing Day, and which is half over) has been a badly-needed spiritual reset with daily meditation, exercise and a feeling of peace that has alluded me for quite some time.

What I am most definitely not at peace with is spending our anemic dollars in a country that has spun off its axis (again) and is barrelling down a dark and troubled road. And seeing posts on social media (not aimed at me, specifically) such as “Friends don’t let friends vacation in the US!” have been more than just pecking at that bubble of serenity. I’m struggling with the morality of supporting anything to do with FOTUS (Felon of the United States), while weighing it against the reasons we want to be here in this politically sane state.

Once again, I am glad to be learning to say “Let Them.” It’s a lesson I’ve needed for a long, long time. As I continue to learn, I find myself wishing this book had come out 40 years ago. What a difference it would have made in my life (including money saved on therapy)!

You see, for my entire public life, which started at 17 and continues in some form or another some 45 years later, my desire has been to please every single listener/reader/viewer. On radio, for example, if someone was upset about something I said (or worse, that they thought I said), I would go out of my way (and sometimes, my mind) trying to win them back. You never, ever wanted to lose a listener.

As of this writing, the criticisms about our choice of where to escape the damp, chilly Vancouver Island winter have been few. Okay, just one: a downright rude Facebook post that came on Christmas night after we’d had an unexpectedly blissful day. It was taken down by the poster shortly after she wrote the words “SHAME!” (and a few more) about our choice of coming to the US for a few months.

That post bothered me; like most criticism, I wondered if, in her cruel way, she might have been right, even though Brené Brown taught me well that “shame” is a word you never, ever throw at anyone – most of all yourself.

I have had a few weeks to think about it now, framed by the wisdom I’ve been taking in via audiobook every day. Still, I’ve been making a list of defensive reasons why this is the place that feeds my soul.

Have I thought of other destinations for next year? Yes. But being someplace where I: a) know the area roads, b) can be left comfortably to reside and drive on my own, c) speak the language, and d) know the currency, are also vital to my sometimes fragile peace of mind. We even owned a house here briefly (circa Covid) for heaven’s sake.

This area around Palm Springs, about a two-hour drive from the tragic tinderbox that is the LA region, is where my parents spent joyful, SAD-free winters, and where at this time of such flux on the house sale front back in BC, we feel grounded. So we rented again, prior to the election. I mean, who could have predicted…?

I don’t know what we’re going to do later this year. Having something to look forward to during the dreary fall/winter has become important to us, and being in a location that makes me a better person all around is equally vital. I know we’re damned lucky to have the ability and opportunity. I know.

In the problems of the world, and yes, even this blessed/cursed blue state of California, mine are but a bean, never mind a whole hill of them. Yet, here I am, somehow feeling that I need to justify our decisions and stave off judgment. As if I have any control over what a person thinks! (Thanks, Mel Robbins.)

Like all of us, I have a lot to learn in this journey of growth, and I am but a pre-schooler as I try to change a lifetime of literal and figurative people-pleasing. If my decisions are not someone else’s preference, that’s okay. My mental health is coming first (for a change). I would wish the same for you, within the parameters of your own moral guidelines and practical capability, as I hope you would for me.

If not, I’ll let you – and you let me.

Lisa Brandt and I will be talking about this on Thursday in Episode 109 of the Gracefully and Frankly podcast. Haven’t caught 108 yet? You’re missing a really good one (if I do say so) and can do so for free at G-and-F.Simplecast.com. Just click and enjoy. And if you want to offer feedback on what you’ve heard, we welcome that, too.

Just a thought… Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world. [Pema Chödrön]

Welcome in, my friend. It’s a new year (which you’ve undoubtedly noticed by now) and for me, a time to adjust goals. If you’re among those who say, “Well, two-thirds of people who set resolutions abandon them within a month,” you’re right. But don’t forget that one-third that are still keeping them! That’s not quite a glass half-full, but it will have to do.

Whether it’s thanks to the flip of the calendar or a much-needed scenery shift, I’m getting my optimism back. 2024 was an Annus Horribilis (to quote the queen that didn’t feature Freddie Mercury) in our lives. Between events in our home and in the world around us, I had an awful time getting out of bed some days.

So what has changed?

Two simple words: Let Them. I mentioned it in an earlier blog a couple of weeks ago. Basically, the Let Them Theory can be boiled down to a few ideas, but into which author Mel Robbins delves far more deeply than I will: you can only control your reaction to what happens around you. Do make a difference where you can! But as Stoicism and the Serenity Prayer and Buddhism and many great thinkers have articulated, the answer to coming to peace within is in how you react to what’s happening to and around you.

Sounds simple, right? Of course it isn’t! But just taking on that mantra (which, yes, I’m getting tattooed on my right forearm in a few months) has provided a huge shift in my whole being.

I’ve also started another book called Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison, a title I stumbled upon in a thread about something else completely. And this marks another big change.

See, for the past two-and-a-half years, I’ve adhered to a stricter-than-strict low-carb regimen. It’s not for everyone and I know that any plan that tells you fruit isn’t your friend is just…insane. I lost the weight I needed to, but now I’m exhausted with the rules and the denials of so many small pleasures. It’s time to cut myself some slack and point myself towards health instead of a size.

The brilliant writer Anne Lamott put it beautifully: “Refuse to wear uncomfortable pants, even if they make you look really thin. Promise me you’ll never wear pants that bind or tug or hurt, pants that have an opinion about how much you’ve just eaten.” I don’t have any yet, but once I lose the diet addiction and stop weighing myself (on not one but two different scales daily) life may get a little more pleasurable and I may have to send a few pair to the thrift store. At least my leggings don’t care.

Will I be able to stop a lifetime of obsession about calories, fat grams, net carbs and weight? Not in just a few weeks. Like any addiction (to which I’m most definitely prone) it is a struggle and I may have to look outside of a book for help. So many of us have been on diets or restrictions our whole lives. Numbers, numbers, numbers.

But finding joy in what is, and letting them, are the only ways I’m going to get through 2025 healthier and far happier than the year just passed. I was saying to my friend Lisa yesterday, “How will I feel at the end of this about everything I missed because I said, ‘no?’” If saying “yes” to a Christmas Day invitation taught me anything, it’s that the only thing standing in my way is me.

Grace. Forgiveness. Love. Hope. I may need to make room for more tattoos.

Don’t forget that my pal and fellow broadcaster Lisa Brandt and I have embarked on a wonderful Year Three of our Gracefully and Frankly podcast, and if you still don’t think they’re for you – well, you haven’t tried ours! Just click here and listen for free, thanks to our generous sponsors, enVypillow and SierraSil.

It’s only half an hour long and we’ll make you think, laugh and feel like you’re just sitting having coffee or tea with two friends.

If you’re here on this blog, you’re our people, Queenager. 107 Episodes await and we would love to have you join us. And we serve up a fresh one every Thursday. Thank you.

Just a thought… You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. [Maya Angelou]

On this Christmas Eve eve, let me take a moment or two to share with you a few joyful decisions after a terribly hard year.

In addition to taking in the advice and meaning behind those two words “let them” that I shared in last week’s blog, I have continued to shift my perspective.

Rob and I came down to the Palm Springs area on the first of December with a few simple aims: delete Christmas from our hearts’ apps, and enjoy warmer weather away from the stress of a house that’s been on the market for seven (!) months, and the uproar of a condo that’s only half moved-into.

Although the latter concern is still taking up a considerable part of our brains, we also know that our realtor team back in North Saanich is doing its best. The rest – people’s reactions to the house, the market in general and all of those variables – are out of our control. We cross our fingers with each showing and try not to think about it, although continuously moving money around and waiting for that good news keeps the inactivity on the house front in the fore.

We’ve mostly held to our promise to shelve Christmas this year as we adjust to being alone again. But an invitation to dinner on Wednesday from a woman I met last year down here (thanks to my podpal Lisa), has changed the complexion of the holiday a bit. After hemming and hawing for a few days, we decided to join her motley crew of friendly stragglers coming over for meals on our laps and good company. And even Dottie and Livi are invited!

See, we realized that to stay home, watch Netflix and barbecue burgers would be us punishing ourselves. While I’m a huge proponent of doing what’s right for you around any holiday or significant date, this felt like a really great idea for us.

I didn’t bring any Christmassy clothes, so I’ll just wear a flowery sundress. But to my great amazement, when we saw this marked from $70 t0 $40 to $30 (gotta love Kohl’s, even if it IS in US dollars), Rob leaned in to the “what the hell” sentiment that accompanied our accepting the invitation. I even got him to pose in his Elf blazer right there in the store.

Our new year will hopefully continue on this path of once again holding on to what we know in times of uncertainty. Of making choices. Of throwing off the yoke of sadness and donning something stupid and garish just for laughs (or at least letting Rob do it).

Handling grief and depression has to be on one’s own terms (as long as you’re not hurting yourself). The response to this year’s new project Not a Mourning Person grief briefs (videos) on YouTube has given me fuel to keep going. I mean that in two ways: to continue to produce what I hope is meaningful and heartfelt content for those wearing our shoes, and to keep moving forward in my own life.

For a few years, having written Mourning Has Broken: Love, Loss and Reclaiming Joy helped keep the darkest of thoughts at bay because I knew if I just gave up, it would send the worst of messages to those who looked to that book for inspiration.

So I’ll say, as I did at my good-bye breakfast from the radio station eight years ago this month, thank you: You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I quoted the amazing Gladys Knight and the Pips song, and it had the parenthetical and unsaid addition (besides, of course, Rob, Lauren and her baby Colin). Our blessings have been both added to, and subtracted from, in the years since we moved west, but we have never stopped finding ways in which to be grateful.

Again, thank you. And Rob and I wish for you whatever you need these next few days and 2025 to be.

Just a thought… Your happiness is your responsibility. Let them live their lives. [Mel Robbins, The “Let Them” Theory, out Dec. 24, 2024]

Welcome to a new week and thank you SO much for coming by!

A dear friend sent me a link to an interview the other day. When I tell you it changed my whole outlook, not just on my day, but perhaps even on my life as we sit on the cusp of a new year, I’m not kidding. In the interview, Mel Robbins, life coach, radio/podcast host, motivational speaker, lawyer and author, talked about her upcoming (sure-to-be) bestseller: The “Let Them” Theory.

In a nutshell, it’s about letting go of what you think you control. It’s a message we’ve all heard in one way or another, either from the stoics or Viktor Frankl, or even in sermons. But the way she explains this theory just landed really powerfully for me and hopefully will fuel the year that lies ahead. Who knows? Maybe it will for you, too.

Before I post the link here, I have to tell you I’ve had some reservations about sharing it because of the person who’s interviewing her: Oprah. Yes, Oprah has a podcast (because, why not?) and Mel Robbins sits down with her for this meaningful conversation. But I know I’ve had mixed feelings since Oprah left TV almost 14 years ago (what???). Especially in that two of her protégés seemingly went off the rails in the past few years politically. I’m talking about Doctors Oz and Phil.

My concern was amplified by a @threads.net comment I got on Saturday:

I responded that that was totally her prerogative, but that Mel more than stands on her own.

It brings me to a bigger question and one upon which I am looking forward to hearing my Gracefully and Frankly podcast partner Lisa Brandt’s take. Is Oprah Winfrey responsible for the paths taken by two men she elevated to international prominence? It’s one thing to vet people she’s going to have on her show – an army of producers can do that – but who can predict the future? Do they have to sign some kind of NDA, but one that promises they won’t do anything to embarrass the host or diminish her regard in the eye of the public as long as they all shall live?

So many have posted in light of both doctors’ MAGA leanings that they will never forgive Oprah for giving the two their platform. But where does that responsibility end? Are we wrong in blaming her for the actions of two grown men? And is it some kind of thinly-veiled misogyny to do so?

I don’t have the answer, but maybe you do, and can comment after hearing Episode 106 next Thursday. (Yes, we have a new episode coming this week, of course, but decided not to take the week between Christmas and New Year’s off, as response to a little poll I put on my FB page was super enthusiastic that we do. Thus, the Dec. 26 Episode 106.)

I will tell you that one of the comments Mel Robbins made landed solidly with Oprah and me: if they’re going to go after you on social media – LET THEM.

Heck, if Oprah freaking Winfrey is going to lose sleep over what someone who doesn’t know her says about her, then we are all forgiven for caring. That amnesty towards ourselves is summed up in just two words: Let Them!

Now, here’s the link to that interview, which I’ve already watched twice. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and, of course, your feedback once Lisa and I have discussed it. And thank you again for spending some time here.

Just a thought… Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated. [Alphonse de Lamartine, Méditations Poétiques]

Good morning and welcome in. As you may know, if you happen to follow me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/erindavispage) or @threads.net (@erindawndavis) or even Bluesky (@erindavis.bsky.app) you likely know that I have a place where I share videos (“grief briefs” as I call them) about, well, loss.

We’ve covered quite a few different facets of grief, but I have recently done a three-part series (all around two minutes each) about this time of year and how to navigate the holidays when there’s an empty chair at the table, or space in your life, where someone you cherished once made life better.

Last week I posted the first part, and today the second is up at YouTube.com on my channel: therealerindavis.

You can go to it here, and if it resonates, please share it with others you know who may be in this place in their lives. It can even just be a sign that you’re thinking of them and know they’re missing someone terribly especially at this time of year.

There will be a third part and I’ll post it before Christmas. Please subscribe to the YouTube channel (it’s easy to do and you won’t be inundated with messages or requests; it’s also free) and you’ll get the third one as soon as it’s posted publicly. Or keep an eye out on the aforementioned Facebook page.

Thank you. Have a gentle week. We are doing so as we embark on our ninth day here in Southern California in Cathedral City. Not at all as Vatican-esque as it sounds, it’s nestled between Palm Springs and Palm Desert and is, for now, our happy place. We find them where we can. And another of mine is sharing any wisdom I might have about the language of loss, both with those familiar and unfamiliar with it. For as the old saying goes, “Joy shared is multiplied; pain shared is divided.”

Take care, and thank you.