Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Hopefulness…can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position, it is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. [Nick Cave]

Welcome to a new week. I have something in the works that I need to share with you, in order to make sure that I do it. I also need your opinion on something, if you don’t mind.

Sometimes you see something that not only knocks you to the floor, but lifts you up. A perfect articulation that makes you envious that you didn’t come up with those words, but eternally grateful that someone was able to do it.

That “something” is a piece on grief written by the Australian singer/songwriter Nick Cave. I’d never heard of him before a clip of an interview with Stephen Colbert made the rounds on my social media feed on Wednesday. And I’ll link to it in a bit so you can watch the entire 22 minutes, or skip ahead to the 14 minute mark where Nick speaks of grief in a way that, as I say, I wish that I had.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.

When my friend Lisa was here helping me find purpose and passion in my future again, she asked, “What more do you want to do?”

Without hesitating I said, “Well, TV. But that’s not going to happen.” That ship, though it drifted briefly near my particular dock thanks to Rogers and the W Network, has sailed.

Then Lisa pointed out the myriad platforms I have established myself upon for decades, from Facebook to Instagram, Threads, YouTube and this journal at erindavis.com. Why try to find a place, when I have a place?

So I got thinking, and this clip from Nick Cave just confirmed in my heart what I have to do. Allow me to explain.

Every week, I receive emails or messages from people who are just beginning the awful process of grieving – whether it’s a spouse, a child (as was our loss), a parent, a sibling or a job. Perhaps because Mourning Has Broken: Love, Loss and Reclaiming Joy went to #1 in Canada in 2019, my exposure to people who are also grieving was amplified. For this, I am and will always be grateful.

And so I’d like to promise you here – so that I fulfill the promise – I’m going to start shooting regularly very brief 2-3 minute pieces on grief, hope and the perspective that others have given me. I’ll set up a special email address so you can share your wisdom, ask your questions and we’ll have a place to do this together. Why? Because the loneliness of grief, once the world has moved on, is what can be the hardest to live with.

I promise it will be uplifting, funny at times and just very personal – not about me as much as it is about you. I haven’t come up with a name for it yet and you’re welcome to post suggestions on my FB page. I may just call it Moments with Mourning Has Broken. Thoughts? Maybe it’s too wordy.

I also like Hope Warriors. Or maybe Grief Warriors?

Meantime, in case you missed it last week on Facebook, here is that incredibly inspiring “get-off-your-butt-Erin” piece with Nick Cave. I promise when he gets to the “Red Right Hand” part at the end, your jaw will drop. How dare we hope? Here’s how.

Thank you.

Just a thought… Friendship is a wildly underestimated medication. [Anna Deveare Smith]

It’s eerily quiet in the condo today. Dottie and Livi are padding around looking for Miss Lisa, and wondering why their cuddles are just down to the regular number again. They may even ask why Mom and Dad’s alarm isn’t going off every morning and why their daily walks moved back to the usual 10-11:00 time when Mom finally got upright.

Yes, it’s because Lisa boarded her Porter flight and flew from Victoria to YYZ, to be met not by an empty curb where her shuttle should have been (which has happened) or any number of other “un-welcome home!” debacles; her husband Derek picked her up at arrivals late last night and they headed off for the homestead in Port Stanley.

What a week it was! We centred it around our Facebook Live event on Thursday (which you can see here – so far we’ve had over 4500 views, which is considered by most measures a huge success).

It started out as a bit of tech debacle when we realized we couldn’t use my laptop and the auxiliary camera we’d set up and also log on to Facebook…blah blah blah…long story short, we threw Lisa’s phone into action, which meant all of our framing with artwork went out the window and we hilariously ended up with one painting above another and it looked awful. Here’s a behind-the-scenes pic as we were up and running.

The room was lined with big grey slabs of acoustic foam, meant to cut the room echo. I mean, coming from radio, Lisa, Rob (who helped with set up) and I just expect good sound, and we figure you do, too. We had a separate microphone set up and of course it couldn’t be used either, thanks to the laptop being taken out of the equation. Ah, the best laid plans, my friend.

The live event began 10 minutes late (which you won’t see on video) but we had a blast for the hour we shared with viewers. We gave away some G&F necklaces, answered your questions and had some laughs. Dottie and Livi enjoyed a bit of the spotlight and all in all we’d say it went well.

What did we learn? To try something else next time. We are D-O-N-E trying to do live events on the Facebook platform with its stupid limitations, including having to have the phone placed vertically rather than in landscape mode. I mean…if we can put ripped abs on a hero picture of Trump, surely we can figure out how to go live with a phone sitting sideways, right?

The week was a joy. Within walking distance from the condo we shopped the myriad thrift and women’s wear stores in Sidney, ate out and enjoyed a street market. A short ferry ride away we experienced the joy and peace of Pender Island as Lisa and her friend (and now hopefully mine) singer/songwriter Sarah Smith walked a beach….

We experimented with the air fryer and jicama “fries” (jicama is a starchy member of the pea family that tastes like a cross between a potato and an apple; found it at Walmart).

We enjoyed keto scones, early nights (equally early mornings) and lots of laughs, convertible rides and dog walks.

As I say, it’s quiet today and my week is wide open. But as we reflect upon a perfect six days together, accompanied by sunny skies and temperatures just around 20C or so, we’ll count down to seeing each other again – next time in Toronto when I come east to host an event. Hotel sleepovers with my bestie? Now that is something to look forward to!

Don’t miss Episode 86 of Gracefully & Frankly this Thursday and thank you again for making our 85 Live such a success. Your patience with us is only surpassed by your kindness. You’re a lot like Lisa that way.

Just a thought… Distance means so little, when someone means so much. [Tom McNeal]

Ah, the waning days of July. What a turn the mood of our neighbours to the south took last week…and I confess to feeling swept up in a wave of hope.

Add to that the spectacle of the Paris Olympics opener and Céline Dion’s incroyable performance of “Hymne à l’amour” from the balcony of the Eiffel Tower (which should have been accompanied by a Flood Warning, not just for the Parisian rain, but the tears from viewers around the world), and it was a good, good week for the heart…with the exception of the devastation in glorious Jasper National Park. Oh, the heartache….

There was another big reason for an upswing in my decidedly blue mood of the past few months: a surprise gesture of kindness and compassion that came my way.

Let me explain by asking you a question: when you were a kid, did you ever have a pen pal? I don’t think I did. I barely had any real-life friends, because of moving all the time as a kid (something that has been linked to depression in adults in a study Lisa Brandt and I will be discussing this Thursday on Ep 84 of our Gracefully & Frankly podcast).

Last week for only 48 hours, I was visited by an Ontario pen pal. That’s right; we’d never met. We had exchanged countless emails and texts over the past few years as we shared our triumphs and heartaches. Then, knowing I was in an emotional ditch, she told me last Sunday she was getting on a plane, and she did. Wednesday to Friday was our time.

Someone wiser than I said there are three things you should have in life:

Something to do

Someone to love

and Something to look forward to/hope for.

Andrea’s visit rolled all three into one. Kindred spirits in many ways, we cemented our friendship with long heart-to-heart talks, some great reading recommendations (from her to me) including Build the Life You Want by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, and a whole lot of sight-seeing.

The purpose of her don’t-bother-changing-your-body-clock brief visit was not to share in some of the area’s loveliest views, but I figured if someone’s going to go to all of this trouble and expense, how could I not at least attempt to add to her memories. So we hit up a few of the places cruise visitors go.

Here are a few things we experienced together. There was the view of the fjord from the Villa Eyrie in Malahat.

The world-famous Butchart Gardens.

You can feel the peace here. And if you’re really lucky – there’s no one in the shot (it was a busy day, as usual at Butchart)!

Victoria’s inner harbour, where planes, boats and whale watching tours keep the waterways busy.

And, of course, she was as in love with Dottie and Livi as they were captivated by her!

Oh, and that Ontario body clock meant Andrea got to capture something I’ve yet to see: the sunrise from our balcony.

I can’t even put into words what her visit meant to me and to my spirits. As I count down to my dear friend and G&F better half Lisa Brandt’s arrival one week today, I can only say thank-you. To friends I’ve met, to those I haven’t, and to you for sharing this ride with me. The horse (or that damned pony in the poo I’m always digging for) goes up and down and as long as we stay on it, we’ll be okay.

Here’s to another go-round this week. GO Canada, kudos to Queen Céline, and you take care of yourself. Maybe connect with someone who misses you – even if you’ve never met (but don’t respond to weird friend requests on Facebook from men with two first names LOL).

Just a thought… The last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. [Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning]

How is it that I forgot the key message I gave in speeches: the quote above from Dr. Viktor Frankl? How could I have let myself be mired in the grief of not having our grandkids around anymore and the uncertainty of our house and so on, sinking into an abyss of despair?

Those are the questions that came to me as I sat in the little top-down MINI, enjoying a gentle summer’s day ride back to Rob, Dottie and Livi. I guess the answer is easy: I’m human.

Here’s my ferry pulling in to the harbour to take me back to Vancouver Island. Quite a sight….

Last week I did a whole lot of nothing much. I wrote two Drift sleep stories and started the laborious project I’ve taken on of putting some favourites to video for YouTube. (They’re not up yet: I want to upload a whole bunch at once.)

I got our Gracefully and Frankly Episode 82 prepared to go up to the internet despite sometimes facing WiFi challenges. I walked the beach, listened to Lauren singing on my phone, met a river otter (hope you saw my video story!) and just slept in, ate in, and watched an entire series on Prime: Daisy Jones and the Six – the story of a 70s band loosely based on the drugging and slugging drama behind Fleetwood Mac.

Oh, and for those between times? There were always ancient episodes of Forensic Files. (Sidebar: Hey! Have you heard of this new stuff called DNA? This could change everything! LOL)

I kept up on news while simultaneously avoiding most of it, remembered Bob Newhart by watching some of his best internet clips, and started reading a book set on Mayne Island, my home for four nights.

Mostly, though, I enjoyed the silence. The solitude. The gratitude that I was able – and allowing myself (with Rob’s blessing, not permission) – to be alone and shake off the overall malaise I’ve been curled into for the past several months.

It wasn’t a quick fix; it took a long while to get into the funk and it’ll take a long while to get out. Distractions are my friend I’ll be getting both of those things when pod-partner and pal Lisa Brandt arrives here in just over a week!

Then what? Aw, who knows….

Life is short, summer is shorter and damn it, July is shortest of all. So here are a few of the pictures I took on my one short excursion from the cabin to the beach. I hope you enjoy them.

Just a thought… I always joke and laugh when people ask me what’s the key to my long marriage and lasting love. I always say ‘stay gone!’ and there’s a lot of truth to that. [Dolly Parton]

Welcome to a brand new week and the second half of my favourite month of the year.

You know, sometimes when things feel stuck, it’s up to us to move. Like instead of waiting for things around us to happen, we have to do what we can, change what’s possible, and create new opportunities.

I lost sight of that for a few weeks at the end of June, sinking into the mire of depression that hits all of us from time to time. Fortunately I don’t suffer as some do; I can see what’s happening and know that it will pass. This time I decided to try something old and something new.

The something new is getting back to work: yes, I’m already busy with three podcasts – and in case you missed it, our Gracefully & Frankly with Lisa Brandt and me is growing, and we’re going to do a Facebook Live event on August 8^th at 8 pm eastern time (08-08-at 8 pm is an easy way to remember!) and you can learn more at our G&F Facebook page. So there’s plenty cooking there.

But I’ve decided to try to get more listens to my sleep stories too: now that there are over 100 of them and there are only so many princesses and royalty-free short stories I can mine, I am working to put a relaxing video to each story (it’ll be footage I have shot or found myself) and post them to a special dedicated YouTube channel. Plenty of people, myself included, watch or listen to meditations on YouTube, admittedly made much less annoying by eliminating ads via the premium feature. So, why not sleep stories? Please, please sign up here (I won’t bother you, I promise).

And if I can find a way to allow banner ads or some passive way to add income to keep funding my travel passion, I’ll do that. It will never interrupt your rest!

This is a mighty steep learning curve I’m on, but between hot flash-inducing frustration at not having a millennial in our lives to walk me through how to do this, and the fear that all of the hours of extra work involved in adding video will amount to no discernible increases in watches, listens and yes, income, I’ll persist! I need the distraction. And work has always saved me.

And for the “old” to which I’m turning? Well, that would be travel. Not the long trips that I love so much, but I’m running away from home today, hopping on an island ferry and going to one of the local Gulf Islands I’ve yet to visit: Mayne Island. Ironically, our house is just off a street called Mayneview. So, while we could see it, neither Rob nor I have visited.

Rob’s chosen to stay back and continue to work at the condo. Discovering that our new place’s washer/dryer set is too small and our dishwasher too old, we have appliances arriving this week. I had hoped to find a cabin somewhere, but living in a part of the country that people flock to in the summertime, it’s not easy to get a spot with just a few days’ notice. So, fingers crossed, the resort will offer me the solitude to edit, to write, to rest and rejuvenate. There won’t be alpacas like the last place to which I escaped, but who knows? I may make other animal friends.

My two furries from home can’t come, as there are no more pet-friendly spots available where I’m booked; Rob has generously agreed to take on full care of Dottie and Livi so that we can all be free of each other for a few days.

Being happily married for this long means recognizing when you need a break. We both know this is not like us: short fuses, impatience and just an overall feeling of fedupedness with our lives and each other. So I’m creating a little space between us – something we both need. And when he says I should think about going away, I never ever take it the wrong way. To me, it’s another sign of love: living the promise of our wedding vows to “encourage your own fulfillment as an individual.” Will I miss him? Sure. And that’s part of the point.

You have a good week. Because good WiFi is a necessity no matter where I travel, I’ll be bringing back a favourite Drift with Erin Davis sleep story tomorrow and a brand new Gracefully and Frankly Episode 82 on Thursday, where we talk earthquakes, good “personal” vibrations and the celebs we’ve lost in the past week, and a few behind-the-scenes tales. Talk to you soon!