Erin's Journals

As you read this, we will have just spent our first night aboard the AMAStella on AMA Waterways. As I mentioned here Friday, Mike Cooper, my husband Rob and I are hosting a group of former listeners and future friends aboard this river boat which travels from Amsterdam down to Antwerp, Belgium and back up to Amsterdam. We fly home on Sunday.
 
Today, according to our itinerary, we’re going to Hoorn, where we stop for a few hours. Later we’re off to Middelburg, Netherlands. Wednesday we arrive in Ghent, Belgium for a day of tours and exploring; Thursday we dock in Antwerp and then Friday we hit up three places in the Netherlands: Rotterdam, Kinderdijk and Schoonhoven. Then we return to Amsterdam and disembark on Sunday.
 
We laughed out loud when Rob figured that, according to Google Maps, when you type in our destinations in order, it calculated that it would take us 8 hours 26 minutes to drive! That’s how close everything in Europe is, when you think about it.
 

 
I mean, back in 2004 when I was “between jobs,” we made it a point to see as much of Europe as we could as a little family. Rob, Lauren and I booked two bus trips back-to-back and managed to see 16 countries in a month. (I tell a few stories from that time in Mourning Has Broken.) We’ve counted our blessings repeatedly for having had the finances and the time to take that July trip.
 
Lauren was able to give the subjects she studied in school so much context (she was 13 when we went) while we all got to make memories together in close proximity. How we loved that time with her! While Lauren was weary of cathedrals, churches and museums by the time the trip was over, she’d also witnessed Bastille Day fireworks in Paris and made all kinds of wonderful memories. In fact, she returned to England and Amsterdam on her honeymoon in 2013.
 
Because I’m not entirely sure about WiFi on the boat (although I’m told it’s just great) and time zones are bound to mess me up in terms of posting correctly, I’ve got a week’s worth of fresh journals that are ready to go in the coming days. When we return to Canada next week (actually we fly in on Sunday afternoon), I’ll have pictures and stories for you here – not enough so you’re resentful you didn’t come, but just enough so you’ll feel like you’ve been travelling with us, or might want to do this if we plan a trip together in the future. How does that sound?
 
Take good care and we’ll be back with you here tomorrow with the story of something pretty awful that showed up on Rob…and the lesson that you can never judge a book by its cover – or a man by his nose.
 

Welcome to Friday. Once again our suitcases are open and laid out on a guest room bed; Molly senses something’s up, but we have a house sitter who will be with her from the time we leave tomorrow morning until we get back next Sunday afternoon. As you probably know, Rob and I are joining Mike Cooper for a river cruise with AMA Waterways.
 
It’s called Tulip Time and we’ll be helping to host a 7-night cruise to and from Amsterdam. I’ll have snippets of the itinerary in next week’s journals, but we’re happy to be sharing this time with some 51 former CHFI listeners and journal visitors (and even a few like Mary Larin and Bill & Andrea Bates, who won trips with us back in the day) as we take a scenic cruise through, as the brochure puts it, “Amsterdam’s legendary canals, past elegant narrow buildings and the house where Anne Frank once lived in hiding.”
 
Rob and I had been looking forward to taking the daily cycling excursions (the boat, the AMAStella has its own – and helmets, of course) but the weather’s looking rainy and chilly. However, we’ll make the most of it, wandering the serpentine cobblestone streets of medieval cities like Antwerp, Ghent and Bruges.
 
One of the things to which we most look forward is spending time with our sweet friend Mike Cooper. For a time, when Debbie’s long and valiant fight with cancer was coming to its sad and long-foreseen conclusion, he let us know he just couldn’t see coming along. He was unable to envision a future of doing anything, never mind travelling, without his life’s companion. And yet, here he is. We never gave up hope and, once again, he found his.
 
Mike’s taking part in this river cruise as much for himself and his own spirits as he is for all of us. And I know it’s going to be a good week all around. That’s what friends do for each other; we are there to hold each other when we can’t catch a breath from laughing so completely, or crying so hard.
 
In many ways, you’ve been like that for me here and it’s for that reason that I have a confession to make: I have had to clear out some emails. Actually, a lot of emails.
 
Two weeks ago, Rob and I switched out this computer:
 

 
….for a new one.
 

 
As much as I owed my old one for all it had seen me through over the past several years, I was tired of seeing the rainbow-wheel-of-doom spinning endlessly when I was trying to save or send. We recently both upgraded our computers and, after the migration, I came across literally thousands of messages from the past two or three years, marked as unread. I know for sure there was none that had not been read and I really need to tell you that. But, I’m sorry to say, there are a few hundred where I’m not sure if I responded.
 
Many came in when I announced in November 2016 that I was retiring. More came in the following month when I left Toronto. When Debbie Cooper passed away last October, there was another thick and wide blanket of warm wishes to envelop us, but with travel and the work obligations that followed Deb’s funeral, I simply did not answer all of them; I just wasn’t able to do it in a timely manner. But your support and kindness were appreciated.
 
So here it is: please forgive me if you’re still hoping for an answer to any emails. It’s likely that if you sent something prior to 2019, you will not get a response, and that pains me. But I have to do something to get my head above water. (Perhaps heading out on a river cruise I could use a different term…but anyway….)
 
I have come up with a system of colour coding emails so that people who are writing with their stories of bereavement are first to be answered. That said, there are some souls who wrote to me at the end of February to whom I have not yet written back. It’s not that I don’t know what to say, but I want to take the time to say it right.
 
For everyone else, yes, your emails matter to me as much now as they always have. I do apologize if there are long periods between your writing and my response. As we head out tomorrow to fly from Victoria to Vancouver to Amsterdam, I will be spending less time answering emails than usual. So I’ll beg your understanding and, again, forgiveness if I don’t answer. Know that I have read your note…I always do.
 
Next week: all new journals. Feel free always to comment on my FB page and have a fantastic weekend. And thank you!
 

Before we get into today’s journal, I just wanted to share with you my post for Walmart this week. In our house, April is always brightened by a certain birthday, but there’s no reason why you can’t bring some spring into your place, via the best possible April Showers!
 
One of Rob’s and my favourite birthday memories is when I booked a suite at the then-Skydome Hotel and invited friends over for snacks and to watch an Opening Day Blue Jays game! We had a great time – lots of laughs and fun – until we tried to sleep there that night and had to listen to leaf blowers cleaning popcorn out of the seating area. It was brutal – but still memorable. Suffice to say, I was plenty pooped for the radio show the next day!
 
For lots of wonderful baseball memories told by a man who watched and shared the best moments with us all, I can’t recommend highly enough a new book by longtime Blue Jays radio broadcaster Jerry Howarth. His new memoir, Hello, Friends: Stories from my Life and Blue Jays Baseball, is filled with tales of encounters and conversations with players, as well as his own journey to broadcasting fame (with plenty of pitfalls and tears along the way). Jerry, of course, was one half of the famous Tom (Cheek) & Jerry Blue Jays broadcast duo and he’s an exceptional writer and story-teller. 
 
As both a broadcaster and a fan of Jerry, one of my favourite anecdotes in the book is how, in his minor-league days, he would be joined in his booth by the stadium organist. A big fan of the game, she was visually impaired and counted on Jerry to tell her what was happening on the field, between her stints at the keyboard. From that day forward, Jerry always called play-by-play for Ginny, the baseball fan who couldn’t see the field. If that isn’t a perfect analogy for radio, then what is?
 
In 2015, Jerry reached out to Rob and to me the day after Lauren died so that he could share his own family tragedy – the passing of a niece, also in her sleep – and console us. I’ve never forgotten that vast kindness and generosity. So when we were connected this year by former Jays broadcaster (and now afternoon host on Sauga960 AM) Barry Davis, Jerry and I picked up where we left off – which was with a huge hug and kiss in Seattle two summers ago.
 

 
We decided to send each other’s book (do you know it costs $27 to mail a book to Ontario????) and have been writing back and forth. Jerry’s a hoot – he’ll write to me and cite pages and paragraphs and his jokes and insight about them. As we’ve continued to connect, we’ve had such a lovely experience. And as his book continues to climb the bestsellers’ list, we’re chirping at each other like teammates going for the same record…he’s planning on unseating me, and so on.
 

 
The photo above is courtesy: joseph michael photography / info@josephmichael.ca / instagram @photojoecanada. Now, as much as I would hate for anyone to BUY THIS BOOK for Father’s Day (ahem) and for Jerry to surpass me in sales, I’ll give him this plug and this space! Don’t you dare pass me, Jerry!
 
I’m kidding, of course. We’ve had a wonderful time going through this experience together and I wish him every success. This American-born Canadian citizen left his beloved play-by-play job due to complications from surgery: a tube down his throat during prostate cancer treatment left him with injured vocal cords. 
 
Now he enjoys time on the field, more time at home in the GTA with a beautiful grandson (of whom he sends pictures every now and then) and with his wife Mary. He has two grown sons and I am grateful to Joe for taking that lovely shot of Jerry with both of our books. Thanks, Jerry. Getting to know you – through your book and our friendship online – has been a real pleasure and an honour.
 
With love and thanks (and yeah, good luck with your book)…
 

I’ve never ever claimed this space was a news column and, thankfully, it’s been a long time since anyone wrote in a huff and asked why I wasn’t commenting on this or that. That having been said, I’m at a total loss as to what is happening in Ottawa or at Queen’s Park these days. But especially Ottawa. Rob and I have been reading up on SNC Lavalin to try to understand just what’s happened (and keeping up is a challenge with the daily additions, subtractions and interpretations) and how things have gotten to where they are now.
 
I know we’re not alone in our search for the truth and not the so-called “facts” as one party or another projects them. In fact, when you type “SNC Lavalin” into Google (as I did yesterday to make sure I had the right number of Ls happening here) the sentence was completed by the two words “For Dummies.” One thing this dummy knows for sure: I need to learn more about this from people who didn’t hate Trudeau to begin with.
 
I am trying hard these days to adhere to the wise words of a prayer that I’ve often cited here: 

God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things
I Cannot Change
Courage to Change the Things I Can
And Wisdom to Know the Difference.

In the past week or so, Rob has frequently reminded me of these words to the “Serenity Prayer,” as I’ve been really down about the lack of transparency in terms of the Mueller Report. Rob said it again as we watched a teary Kevin Pillar depart the Blue Jays, the only pro team he’s ever known, as management who claim to be building have systematically dispatched any player whose name graced a fan’s jersey.
 
And so I change the things I can. I’ll watch the Jays, but won’t go to another country to do it (as we did two years ago); I’ll cheer, but I won’t cry. Same with the Leafs. I will vote in the next election (even a local one for council that’s happening here in our area next week when we’re away; we will vote in advance tomorrow) and I’ll do the research and read more than just the writers with whom I agree. Truly that is literally The Wisdom to Know the Difference.
 
Tomorrow: a lovely man I’ve gotten to know better since we’ve both had our books published. Enjoy this day.
 

Oops! Thanks to all who wished Rob a Happy Birthday yesterday. I mentioned it was “this week” but it happens to be Thursday. So he’s feeling much love already, which, happily, takes some of the pressure off me in what he likes to call his “birthday month.” Um, yeah…no.
 
Do you ever stop and think of what a miraculous time we live in? Yes, there are some serious drawbacks to having the internet at our fingertips and I’m finally just starting to fight back against the firestorm of negativity that I awaken to daily when I am reminded of how much I dislike some people in government these days. But instead of going straight into my Twitter feed or email, I now go to my meditation app.
 
In the time it takes Rob to bring me a cappuccino (yes, yes, I’m spoiled, even during his “birthday month”) I can listen to and enjoy 10 minutes of meditation. It’s a lovely way to start the day and one that I could never indulge in during my working years; as soon as the alarm went off, I went into full work mode, trying to get my brain synapses fully firing! Now, thanks to those quiet ten minutes, I can handle whatever comes my way – or, more appropriately – whatever I choose to let in.
 
Don’t worry, I’m not proselytizing and won’t mention meditation every day. But since a few asked yesterday, I happen to use the Calm app, which costs money if you don’t cancel it at the end of the trial period (and I forgot to, so I’m making the most of it).
 
It turns out that may have been a blessing after all, as I not only meditate along with them in the morning for ten minutes, but I also enjoy their bedtime stories. There are fairy tales, walks through national parks and even a long meandering story to which I’ve twice fallen asleep, told by Matthew McConnaughey. Each one helps me to turn off my brain at night. Insight Timer is a free app that allows you to meditate “with” people from around the world. That’s another you may want to give a go.
 
But what I really wanted to share with you today was the little internet miracle that let me talk on my laptop camera to a classroom full of students at my alma mater, Loyalist College in Belleville, Ontario yesterday. Some time ago, I’d been contacted by an instructor there, Laurie Pratt. She’s a professor for social service workers’ courses and asked me to weigh in about grief and Mourning Has Broken.
 

 
For about 45 minutes, I talked about my career, the day that we found out Lauren had died and the aftermath, including the book. Most importantly (hopefully) I was able to answer Laurie’s (and her students’) questions and to discuss how it feels to be on the receiving end of people’s condolences, the words to use (and not to use) and different elements of moving on in the wake of something like this happening. I hope social workers dealing with grief, hospice and so on are able to take with them some of the lessons we learned through our experiences and have shared in the book.
 

 
See, I always thought I’d like to teach. And yesterday, through the book, through the magic of the internet, through the promise that some good can come of the worst, maybe I did a little of that. Who knows what the future holds? But I’m feeling pretty excited about the prospects these days.
 
Have a great day and I’ll be back with you here tomorrow.