Erin's Journals

Friday, May 8, 2020

Just a thought… My heart still looks for you and my mind still talks to you. But my soul knows you’re at peace. [author unknown]

This is a Thank-You Note

I’m expressing my gratitude to you for coming and sharing these journals since I started writing them daily again about seven weeks ago, when the pandemic had us all feeling so off-balance and lost. Your being here has given me a reason to think outside of the box (in this case, our house) and concentrate on the blessings, the connections – real and virtual – that keep us tethered to the earth even when the winds are swirling at their strongest all around us.

But, with your understanding, after today I’ll take a little breather and be back on Tuesday. This has been a hard few days leading up to Mother’s Day and Monday, the fifth anniversary of Lauren’s leaving us. As it was in 2015, they pack a one-two punch and I just need to lie low for a little bit.

To be very honest, I didn’t know whether to post about Lauren or her passing or anything more about this for now; with last Sunday’s Facebook post about Bereaved Mother’s Day, the outpouring of kindness, as people offered sympathy and other mothers shared stories of their own loss, was more than I expected.

It is not for that reason that I mention our daughter; I can assure you that we’ve been showered with more compassion than I could ever have hoped – a lifetime’s worth, both hers and ours combined. Every day I am reminded of the suffering that goes on in the hearts of others – today more than ever – as people long for those who make their lives so worth living.

Believe me, I know we’re not the only people who are going through grief. And it’s okay to call it that: we are all grieving the loss of so many things in our lives. And I’ll remind you of a site I subscribe to (for free) that offers thoughts unique and common, wise and grounded. It’s and is well worth your time, I promise.

And yet, if I don’t post about our dear girl on the day of her passing, does that mean she doesn’t matter anymore? What are the rules on socially grieving, anyway? (Rhetorical questions; we know the answers are that there are no rules. No timeline. No roadmap. I’d say I could write a book about it, but I already did.)

My hope is that you have even a fraction of the immense support and love that Rob and I have been so privileged to receive, no matter what challenges you face every day. And again, I know everyone faces them in all ways, at all or various times. We need only think of the families of those Canadian Armed Forces men and woman who were repatriated at CFB Trenton on Wednesday. Such heartache.

As we take this time to reflect and to mourn, I wanted you to know that I don’t take for granted the kindness that has come our way. I wish you a peaceful heart and, if appropriate, a Happy Mother’s Day.

We will remember, always.

I’ll be back with you Tuesday.

Rob WhiteheadFriday, May 8, 2020