Erin's Journals

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Just a thought… I will love the light for it shows me the way yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. [Og Mandino]

Well, we’ve made it. I’d like to say that the last few days passed without tears, but I’d be lying. Saturday was hardest, though; as often happens with grief, it’s the day or days leading up to the darkest ones on the calendar that take you out at the knees.

I spent the entire afternoon in bed, until Rob turned it around with “breakfast” at 5 pm. Sometimes, even though you’re surrounded by kindness – flowers, beautiful notes and poems, cards and calls, it’s the tiniest gesture out of the blue that can change things on a dime.

I didn’t find a dime yesterday, but I did see a sign. More on that in a moment.

We took a top-down drive in 27 C sunshine Mother’s Day (sorry for the temperature mention, but it was such a gift, that I had to…) and walked by the ocean near Sooke. A seal popped his head out of the water to snort at us and, other than the shimmering beauty of our surroundings (which was more than enough), that was the highlight.

Sure, it was not like the hummingbird that visited us two years ago on May 11 (which inspired the art for my book cover) or the deer that came right up to Rob’s car window on that trip to Washington State’s San Juan Island.

But we’ll take it.

Yesterday we visited “our” bench in Sidney’s Iroquois Park and, under cloudy skies, sat wrapped in our late friend Debbie Cooper’s shawl and just talked and listened. We love that they’ve even planted a new little dogwood tree nearby.

It was here that the picture you see on my website banner was shot. But it was only a few weeks ago that I noticed something very special in that picture (and it ain’t me). Here’s the shot, which shows up on the back cover of the book.

And here’s what’s on that tree on the tiny island in the park. Do you see that rainbow, or prism? I hadn’t noticed it until one day when I had my journal page open and those colours caught my eye. Wow.

So yesterday – as I am wont to do – I looked for a sign that Lauren was with us. A dime? No. A deer with full antlers? Nope. But I did see this sign at a car dealership near our house as we were on our way to our bench.

I’ve always loved variations on the old “when one door closes, another one opens.” A couple more that make me laugh: “…’cause that’s how doors work.” Or, “…that’s what my grandfather would always say. He was a great man, but a terrible carpenter.”

But the one above – from a used car dealer? Perfect.

Sometimes the signs we hope for don’t appear, and you take what you can get. Even if it’s a laugh thanks to a literal sign.

Have a good day and I’ll be back with you tomorrow.

Rob WhiteheadTuesday, May 12, 2020