Erin's Journals

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Just a thought… Confidence in the past gives us the courage to look forward to the future. [author unknown]

What a week, what a week – and it’s only Thursday. The tragic deaths of 63 beautiful Canadians in Tehran in a plane crash could very easily have hit home for us: having hosted two Iranian Canadians in our house in the past year, I scrolled through news stories yesterday with tightness in my stomach. The lovely man and woman we know are safe, but, oh, the suffering for those families in the aftermath of this enormous disaster.

I awoke yesterday to clips of the slurring, sniffling, haphazardly made-up “president” stumbling through a speech to the United States without the background cacophony of a helicopter’s engines to hide what appeared to be his slipping grip on just about everything from diction and balance to logic.

Already in 2020 it’s been hard to keep looking to the horizon and feel positive. But that’s what we have to do, those of us who don’t have a role in making change actually happen.

Every day, like the yogi who sits with the smallest smile to convince herself that a position is one she can endure for just…a few…more seconds, each day I post a positive picture and quote on my Facebook page. Sometimes I tweet them or post to Instagram. And I’m finding that this role I’ve inadvertently adopted, as a purveyor of positivity, actually helps in my attitude towards life.

I mean, if I don’t believe what I’m saying, I’m not going to share it. I’ve been like that with endorsements during my career, and I’m not shredding my integrity now just for more clicks and likes. Plus, people really seem to appreciate them. So I’ll keep doing it! Besides, it helps to keep me busy, and I really really need that right now.

So, where we are…the winter is going well and I look forward to a visit in February from all three of my sisters. Are we getting Harry and Meghan as neighbours back in North Saanich? It was almost a foregone conclusion that they’d want to move there (not that we know it’s their destination). After all, it was where Rob and I decided to land after leaving our lives, as soon as we’d visited. Perhaps, perhaps.

Back to reality: besides letting dark thoughts permeate when the occasional military jet screams overhead, of course…. I worry for our own armed forces personnel in areas being attacked because of the whims of mad men. But amidst the predominant silence that surrounds us sits a much smaller existential crisis. What now?

I’m sure it’s a question that a lot of people ask as one year fades away and a new one steps through the open doors of our lives. But where do we go from here? I’m not good at introducing myself to agents (and I definitely need one) but my plan is to expand my public speaking in 2020.

I’ve sent a produced video of the 30-minute business version of my “Reclaiming Joy: You Have a Choice” speech to a few speakers’ bureaus and gotten automated responses, if any answer at all. It’s not what I’d hoped for, but I guess it’s to be expected. Everyone wants to be the next Brené Brown. (But, um, what if I am? LOL)

As I set my dream map for this year, I see so many possibilities. Maybe I can be invited for a guest spot co-hosting a TV show, which is a big hope, but one I hold onto. Sure, there are geographic and financial limitations (most shows don’t pay guest hosts or their travel and accommodations – if can you believe that) but I look at Jann Arden, my hero, as inspiration!

There is some podcast work in the offing and I may be asked to be a presenter of a home mortgage equity program that looks honest, promising for customers and truly worthwhile considering. There’s a real estate podcast that’s in the works, too. And with our history of moving, I sure do know the questions to ask!

The future holds plans for me that I can’t imagine, but patience was never my strong suit. I can’t just sit here and vegetate. I have so much more to do and to give, but what – and to whom?

This is really the first time since I stepped away from radio that there hasn’t been a “big plan” in the works. Write the book. Re-write the book. Promote the book. Do interviews. Make public appearances. Sign books, give and receive welcome hugs, share stories and offer any words of comfort I can.

While the empty spaces on my 2020 calendar afford me a certain amount of relaxation, it’s not what I really want right now, to be honest. I need this book, this project, to take on another life, but I can’t foresee what that’s going to be, or where it’s going from here. Again, patience – dammit!

How do I get Mourning Has Broken into the US? It has been delivered by hand (by an amazing woman named Carolyn) to Marie Osmond, herself a bereaved mom. Did she get time to read it over the holidays? Might she suggest it to a producer on The Talk? Who knows?

Right now – here, today – I’m grateful for you and to have a place where people can reach out to ask me about sobriety, as they have been doing. It’s a real honour and, again, I don’t give advice – just support and perspective. There are people who know so much more than I, but I’m lucky to have a position where people might say, “Well, if she had a problem and can talk about it, why can’t I?” and truly, that’s the most rewarding part of all of this.

Have a safe weekend and thank you for coming by. Think peaceful thoughts and we’ll get through all of this together.

Rob WhiteheadThursday, January 9, 2020