Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Words are free. It’s how you use them that may cost you. [KushandWizdom]

Welcome to a brand new, shortened week as we embark on the second half of October! It’s hard to believe that we’ll soon be seeing poppies and wreaths, enjoying Christmas decorations and hearing ads with bells in the background.

This year seems to be just steamrolling by, but I guess that’ll happen when you spend six weeks of your summer in a treatment centre in what was probably the most productive and meaningful period of time I have ever spent on myself.

So, did you and yours have a turkey dinner? We did – sort of! Still just hovering above our lives before we head east again – fitting in appointments, trying to stay on top of things – we accepted our friends’ offer to have “Thanksgiving lite” and ordered pizzas with a theme to fit the day! Here’s the ad from a very creative shop not far from us…

Cool, huh? Talk about thinking “out of the box” – literally – I mean, this place has a pulled pork and bacon pizza called the Notorious P.I.G.! Then there’s the P.I.G. Mac (which combines the Notorious P.I.G. with mac ‘n’ cheese). I’d pass on the latter, but I just love their creativity alone. Thankfully, their food is pretty darned good, too.

A pizza with turkey, gravy sauce on its thick crust, local veggies and a bit of stuffing in there is surprisingly good; to my taste buds, it was similar to a turkey sandwich, only warm and with a nice layer of cheese (without the herb sprig seen in the picture; perhaps they ran out). Nothing replaces a good ol’ fashioned turkey dinner with all of the traditional side dishes, but paired with that super creamy squash soup and a salad, it made for a really neat meal. 

I have to admit that Rob and I were feeling a little proud of ourselves for having our suitcases unpacked (although his is open in another bedroom awaiting next week’s trip) and three loads of laundry done before 24 hours had passed since our landing at YYJ. It’s the small victories, right?

Our suitcases, however, are showing the strain of travel. One has a severe punt in the corner; the other’s expansion zipper is broken – the pull tab broke off somewhere between here and there. We found out from WestJet that you have to report the damage within 7 days (it had happened on our way east) so we’re out of luck. Just a word to the wise.

Oh, and I also had a fairly new NAOT shoe blow out its side seams halfway through the trip. It’s irreparable. Is the universe telling me to stay put? Maybe. Molly seems pretty nonchalant about the whole travel thing; she loves staying home with our friend and just runs the house as usual. 

Our time in Collingwood, where I emceed and then wrapped up a gathering of the Ontario Association of Cemetery and Funeral Professionals with my “Reclaiming Joy” keynote speech, was beyond wonderful.

I learned from, laughed and connected with hundreds of people and, while I found myself completely spent by the time we pointed our rental car towards YYZ, it made me realize that the path Rob and I are on of sharing our message of hope and how to deal with grief is the right one.

In just over a week we board another plane to Ontario for a number of charity events (and a few paid ones to make the trip fiscally possible) from Rotary International to Markham Stouffville Hospital, from The Lighthouse for Grieving Children to Heart House Hospice – with more stops in between – and I hope that if you’re interested, you’ll be able to attend one of the open talks. (See the What’s Up section on my home page if you want more information on how we can meet up.)

So here we are, you and I, ready to go for another week. What will it bring? I can guarantee you one thing: I will resume my promise not to comment on anything political in social media.

On Friday, I cavalierly commented on a post by a favourite cousin pertaining to a situation in her home province. When my intentions were misconstrued, I simmered and stewed all weekend fearing she was angry with me. Rob and I don’t have much family and I don’t want to alienate those people we love and who love us, so it hurt my heart to think that we had, however inadvertently. 

So the lesson to me as we get closer to next week’s election is just to keep my mouth shut (and fingers still) and remember, to paraphrase the words of the “Serenity Prayer,” to accept the things I cannot change, have the courage to change the things I can and seek the wisdom to know the difference.

I’ll make my voice heard by voting, as should we all. But my gosh, aren’t we lucky our federal campaigns run for weeks and not years? How much can anyone take?

Have a gentle few days and I’ll return here on Thursday with a short video Mike Cooper and I shot. It’s filled with laughter – something I think we can all use.

Just a thought… Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great. [Roger de Bussy-Rabutin]

Welcome to Monday! I’m in a bit of an elated state, having spent the weekend in the company of our sweet little grand dude, Colin.

We celebrated his Oct. 11th fifth birthday early, going to an indoor play place called Fun Haven, visiting Build-a-Bear (where we watched him decide on the scent, sound and outfit for his newest friend, a bigger version of Paw Patrol‘s Chase).

Endless storybooks and cuddles, two trips to our favourite park to ride the bike that his Grandpa Kevin gifted him, and lots of other little adventures made the weekend simply unforgettable and one filled with firsts.

It’s hard to pick highlights, but there were two: Colin stayed with us for a night in our hotel room, and yesterday afternoon we saw a movie that brought us to a full circle moment in our lives.

I wrote about Toy Story 4 when it came out this summer: we wouldn’t be seeing it. The first three installments in this classic Pixar series were so interwoven with our little family that Rob and I didn’t see how our hearts could bear to watch a fourth movie without the girl who’d grown into a woman and cried with us in the theatre as we watched Andy Davis grow up and head off to college, just as she was doing the exact same thing.

When Colin said he wanted to dress as the cowboy Woody from Toy Story for Halloween, we were delighted at the coincidence. Then, against all odds, we found a small theatre in Ottawa that was showing the film (to be released tomorrow for DVD and download, if you’re interested).

The opportunity to take our little guy to a theatre for the first time for such a significant movie for Rob and me was irresistible. And so, on a rainy Sunday, off we went, hearts in our throats, to see if we could get an almost-five-year-old to sit still for over 90 minutes in a theatre. (Notice the poster to the right in this picture? I couldn’t resist including it….)

We had nothing to worry about. We gave Colin a comprehensive briefing over breakfast about whispering to us if he had questions, keeping his feet still, being sure to pee before the movie and promising to stay for the whole thing.

He enjoyed the story, jumped only once when something surprising happened on screen, and seemed to enjoy Grandad Banana’s laughing at so many of the film’s witty lines. We stayed not only through the wonderful end credits, but as we walked to the back of the empty theatre to let staff sweep up, he watched the screen as the hundreds of names scrolled up.

(We’re a big fan of credits and were glad we stayed when everyone else had left: there was one last gag over the PiXAR name at the end featuring the lovable Canadian motorcycle stunt rider, Duke Caboom.)

It was as the last strains of the score faded that my tears began, a now-uncharacteristic release of emotions that had built up since we first began screwing up our courage to see just one more Toy Story movie. Who would have imagined it would be with our daughter’s son? And he was just so perfect.

After the film, as we tried to glean insight into his take on the whole movie experience, we asked what was his favourite part. His answer? “Woody and Buzz Lightyear.” Later, when he told his parents about the movie, the extent of his critique was, “I had popcorn!”

There were, as I say, almost too many moments crammed into our 31 hours of “just us” time to list the ones that shone most brightly. But through every single one, I kept reminding myself to imprint a picture in my heart so that I could try to hold on to it for the months we’re apart.

Luckily, we’re back in Ottawa during the final week of this month when another business trip brings us east, so the good-byes weren’t too hard this time. We’re counting ourselves lucky, as we so often try to do.

Later this week, I’m going to share with you our thoughts on sweet Baby Jane (with a gorgeous picture) and Colin’s reaction to his new sister. I know our daughter was very vocal about not wanting a sibling; would Colin feel the same? Once again, we needn’t have worried.

Today, I’ll be on CTV Ottawa to talk about Mourning Has Broken at about 8:40 am. I look forward to sharing the reaction to the book, so much of which I was blessed to experience last Thursday in London.

The day began with a new keynote address that I’ll also be giving this Thursday in Collingwood – one that was received with a standing ovation, laughter and tears – truly all I could hope for. That evening I was in the company of my friend Lisa Brandt as she interviewed me at a book signing at Chapters.

Today we head to Ennismore and the embrace of our dear friend (and now, fellow traveler) Mike Cooper. This trip is doing a year’s worth of good for my heart and both Rob and I are enjoying it all. (The backdrop of autumn colours sure doesn’t hurt, either!)

For now…happy trails. I’ll be back with you Thursday.