Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Sometimes the only answer people are looking for when they ask for help is that they won’t have to face the problem alone. [Mark Amend]

By now you probably know that today is Bell Let’s Talk Day. This is its tenth year and I’d love to hope that it helps people like you – like me – to tell our stories to let others know they truly are not alone. And perhaps to add a little perspective.

First, Grief.

The death last Sunday of nine people on that ill-fated helicopter in Calabasas, California brought many people to tears. Others asked how it is that we can mourn someone we didn’t know, and I gave that some thought.

Having a perspective that allows me to know the kindness of many who have shared in our sorrow, I’m able to come up with some insight that I’d like to share now.

I believe it’s because we are able to search our hearts and find empathy for those who knew and loved them dearly, and who are left to try to put back together the pieces of their own shattered hearts. On a slightly different note, I think that when a celebrity dies, we grieve for the joy that knowing them just a little through their work gave us.

A movie star who dies at 88 and perhaps hadn’t made a film or given us any of themselves in their work in decades can still be mourned for the memories of the pleasure their work provided, or even for the moments in our lives that are so strongly entwined with that work.

I’ll use the example of the deep sadness that we felt when Robin Williams took his life. So much of his talent had brought us boisterous laughter and silent tears. We mourned for that loss and the knowledge that he’d never again give us those gifts.

When a singer, whose music made us hold each other closer, dance with more joy or feel that they’d written or interpreted a song that echoed our own sentiments, is gone, we grieve for the sweetness of the feelings their songs brought; what that music meant personally to us. It’s all right to feel sad about the death of people you didn’t know, for – through their work – they let us feel we did.

Addiction

I’ve been amazed by the outpouring of honesty that has come my way in the wake of my talking about going into recovery last summer and dealing with the fact that I had no control over my drinking. One day there may be a book in me about it (no personal details about anyone else, of course) but I haven’t quite figured that out yet. I’m told that book sellers don’t want a follow-up to a memoir; people who see the book might say, “I’ve already read her story…” even though there’s so much more to tell.

All I know is that a whole LOT of people are suffering in silence, afraid to admit they have a problem with substance abuse or habits that are out of hand, and are looking for the strength to raise a hand and say, “Help me.”

I’m doing what I can, in just offering a hand when people reach out. I don’t offer advice, so much as support (although, yes, I can tell people what worked for me). Many say they’ll try and it’s not up to me to prod or push or convince them to take a path to wellness. All I know is that every single person has a different “basement” – some end up penniless or losing their families because they just couldn’t stop; others continue to work, have successful careers and outwardly “perfect” lives and then crumble when some of the support beams are either compromised or taken away.

It doesn’t make us weak; it makes us human. The only thing we can do to get better is to seek help. Yes, a few can quit doing what’s hurting them and those around them on their own successfully; after 10 years’ sobriety I thought I was one of those people. Then two of those supports – our daughter and my job – were suddenly gone from my life (the latter at my choice) and the roof caved in. There were no more duties and obligations, no more self-imposed rules or boundaries.

And so, after a time, I realized that I had to find a way to take charge by letting go, firing myself as CEO of my life and learning that a power higher than myself was going to have to be given the reins if I was going to survive. And here I am, one day at a time.

It all comes down to making that call. Simply doing the hardest thing, as much of an oxymoron as that is. And here’s another one: it takes great strength to admit you’re in trouble, to be vulnerable. This is the one day of the year in Canada where people actually come forth and talk about their weaknesses. I do it far more often, of course, but only as a way of letting others know that nothing, no one, no life is as it appears. And things can always be better.

I am sharing a list of ways that this day can become even the tiniest catalyst for change in your life. Don’t ever stop trying, no matter how many times you falter or fail. You are worth it – your life is worth living. It may not feel like it every day, but it’s the truth. Help is there for you and it’s not easy to ask. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. But please try. I’ll be back with you here tomorrow.

Just a thought… Cleaning house while children are growing is like shoveling snow when it’s still snowing. [Phyllis Diller]

Ah, Monday. What an incredibly fun and busy weekend in our part of the Ottawa area! One of my highlights came from the sky; I know you’re probably done with the white stuff already, but this is the first snow I’ve seen since last year when I was on the book tour in Ontario.

Funny how the last few major snowfalls in Ontario have hit during weekends, isn’t it? Almost like commuters are being spared the worst of it, while plows get a chance to do their work. And we are grateful.

Yesterday 5-year-old Colin and I were joyful partners in snow-shoveling as the wet, heavy flakes accumulated throughout a gently mild Sunday. We moved and piled it, then watched through the window as the slushy pavement we’d exposed gradually returned to its previous white. But of course, everything is relative, isn’t it?

When we think of our neighbours just a few provinces east of us, and what they’ve endured, it makes my mildly sore back (yeah, I’m blissfully out of shape for this kind of activity) seem pretty darned inconsequential. I’ve got something along those lines to share with you further below. But we made snow angels and a few memories to pack up and take home with me when it’s time to go.

I’ve just a few more days here with our sweet grand babies and I’ll be sorry to be heading out to Toronto on Wednesday, although it’s the original reason for my trip east to begin with, as we embark on the Facebook Live adventure I told you about here last week with Home Equity Bank. 

I’ve got my fingers crossed that the techie gods are in our corner and that you’re able to join in, share your stories, your questions and even your concerns. More here. And a reminder it’s at 8 pm Eastern Time; my post reads 5 PM, but that’s the Pacific Time upon which my trusty laptop is set.

A few people have asked if Rob is with me for this trip, or where Molly is; they’re together at home in the warmer weather. He’s keeping extremely busy and every time I call it seems he’s either up a ladder or with a set of pliers in his hand.

As for Molly, we don’t travel with her any more than absolutely necessary, as she is 15-and-a-half years old. As you have seen from the videos in which she romps and runs, she hardly shows her age in any way except in the evenings: that’s when she migrates between the front and back doors, softly pawing at the glass to go outside.

We will let her out, she wanders around and then strolls back into the house, half the time not having done anything on the grass. (And please don’t warn me about coyotes in desert neighbourhoods; she’s always being watched and we have a fully fenced yard.)

I’m just wondering if her new evening habits are the result of a bit of senility setting in with her age. I’ve Googled it and this doesn’t seem to be too unusual. In addition to her SierraSil Leaps and Bounds dog chews, I’m wondering if maybe Omega 3s might be in order to help her brain to keep functioning as best it can. It’s not at all worrisome and our job for the next few years is just to keep her happy and comfortable, living her best life!

I’m sorry I didn’t get to the story about my unusual travel mate, but there was so much going on this weekend: the lightheartedness of my time with two beautiful kids and their parents, and then the shock of one of sports’ biggest names losing his life at the age of 41.

As you probably know by now, Kobe Bryant was killed yesterday in a helicopter crash, along with his daughter Gianna, on his way to coach one of her basketball games. All nine aboard the chopper died, including the pilot, as well as one of Gianna’s teammates and her parents.

I’m afraid I’ll save the travel anecdote for another time. And our thoughts are with Vanessa Bryant and her and Kobe’s surviving daughters, along with the families of all the victims. Such a tragedy on so many levels.

Now, something good for all of us.

I saw this on the weekend and had to share it with you. Mark Critch is a lovely man and obviously has a huge heart. When you watch this little ode Mark put together last week to the people of his native Newfoundland, I guarantee you’ll be touched, as I was. Enjoy this and I’ll be back with you – from Toronto – on Thursday.

Just a thought… Be willing to be a beginner, every single morning. [Meister Eckhart]

So who takes a trip to Ottawa in the middle of winter – and leaves California to do it? (Raises hand.) Yep – this kid. And I couldn’t be happier!

Sure, the only boots I brought south with me come up just over my ankle and have a bit of a heel but I think they have a tread. They do sell Ugg-style boots down in CA (there’s snow in the mountains near us), but knowing that I have a couple of pairs of boots sitting idle in Victoria, I’m too darned cheap to pick up another. So we’ll see where this goes. (Spoiler Alert: probably on my butt.)

After a non-stop flight to Toronto and a connector three hours later, I arrived in Ottawa around midnight last night (or this morning). My wait at YYZ was almost exactly as long as my time on the phone Monday night with Air Canada to make adjustments to a previously planned in-and-out flight to Toronto for 2 nights next week for a FaceBook live I’m going to be doing (more down below).

Of course, it’s worth everything to wake up and see Colin’s and Jane’s little faces. And I guess I’m not truly Canadian if I don’t swear when the cold hits my cheeks, which I did when I exited Ottawa’s Macdonald-Cartier airport!

While we all reconnect and I catch up with beautiful baby Jane (who’s now almost four months old!) I’ll also be preparing for a first: next week’s Facebook Live session. It takes place at 8 pm ET and I’ll be sitting down with Yvonne from Home Equity Bank, whom you’ve likely seen on TV morning shows, no matter where in the country you are.

She’s a lovely person and Rob and I are looking into partnering with her ourselves and have a lot of questions, and I’ll ask you to think of any if you’re over 55 and are the least bit interested in turning up to 55% of the value of your home into tax-free cash.

I wouldn’t even be considering this if I didn’t believe it’s on the up-and-up; there are so many differences between our system in Canada and the one in the US that has (deservedly) gotten a less-than-favourable reputation.

Reputation. To me, that’s what it’s all about, and hopefully how I’ve built my life, my career. Going in with full knowledge – knowing which questions to ask and how to follow them up so we’re feeling fully informed.

And so, that’s what I’m up to in Toronto next week. I’ll remind you of the time and date again (it’s one week tonight) and hope you’ll stop by and join us. I can even help you do that – since I’m pretty new to it as well. Here’s to new adventures, steep learning curves and staying busy in all of the right ways.

Have a gentle weekend – I’ll be seeing my breath just as you are, for a change – and I’ll be back with you on Monday. CH-ch-ch-cheers!

Just a thought… A journey is best measured in friends, not miles. [Tim Cahill]

Welcome to this Tuesday journal. I’m adding an extra one this week because our partners in a very special Canadian Thanksgiving Cruise in October are hoping that in the next few days we can secure the boat with just our group. Let’s call it Travel Tuesday. Get on board and share a moment, will you?

By now, you’ve likely heard me mention last year’s Tulip Time cruise from Amsterdam to Belgium and back with AMA Waterways, some of the most luxurious riverboats there are. (As one boss with a rival company told AMA’s execs: we have the ads, but you have the boats.) And it’s true. Having been on a Viking boat during our last cruise (occasionally you pass through other river boats to make your way to the dock) I can honestly concur.

It’s the people aboard the AMAStella who truly made our trip memorable. Not just our group (more on them in a moment) but the incredibly kind and efficient crew: every staff member made us feel like Royalty. The cruise director on last year’s trip has even agreed to helm this one for us, too. You won’t be disappointed.

My friend-for-life Mike Cooper and I are recreating the experience this fall with our exclusive Thanksgiving on the Rhine trip. We set sail from Basel, Switzerland down the Rhine past glorious castles with many stops en route to Amsterdam.

At this point, there are only 24 staterooms available, and we want to make sure that the ship is filled with people there to enjoy each other’s and our company. I heard from Valerie F. from Quebec on Sunday; she said that she didn’t know of us before, but can’t wait to join Mike, Rob and me, as well as the new friends she made last spring, for the next one!

Yes, our folks are just that nice. And it was so much fun cycling with Valerie and her husband – something we hope to do again with them, and with you.

In addition to last year’s activities – walking tours, bike rides through unforgettable sites, excursions we’d only dreamed of and which are all complimentary and included in your cost – Mike, Rob and I are promising a couple of evening “Coop’s Classics” dances that will have you throwing off your shoes and joining the fun. (Or watching and laughing – that happened a lot, too.)

There are all kinds of extras that other cruise companies add on – which add up – like pre-dinner and sail away party cocktails, wine (including alcohol-free!) and beer with dinner and so much more that could cost an arm and a leg, if you were travelling with another group.

Mike and I take part in tours and every social event on the boat; unlike some “celebrity hosts” who are supposedly a draw on these trips, we don’t squirrel ourselves away or just hang out together until we are forced to make an appearance. This is all about having huge fun as a group and making sure everyone has a good time. And besides, we love it.

To that end, our host Gerry Koolhof of New Wave Travel in Toronto – a lovely gentleman with whom Rob and I booked cruises long before these “CHFI-themed” trips were even a dream – is reminding us that time is short to take the plunge (um, my words, not his) and book your cabin if we want to make this trip just our group. There are some extra incentives to make sure you’re getting the best price, and even more.

Gerry writes: “Encourage family, friends and neighbours to join us…as an incentive new couples will receive an additional $250 Cdn savings off the cruise fare per person. Book by Feb. 1 2020. *Additional savings for any guests who book “suite” category Violin Deck.”

If you’re the least bit curious and want to see what we’re going to experience together this fall, just click this link.

And please don’t hesitate to email gerry@newwavetravel.net if you have questions. He is a lovely man and there’s no pressure; every conversation we’ve had with Gerry has been friendly and patient (and trust me, with our requests and queries over the years, we know!).

Join our friendly group and see the glorious sights on the Rhine – maybe stay a few nights in Switzerland or in Amsterdam to bookend your extraordinary trip. And we look forward to meeting you this fall.

I’ll be back with a “regular” ­journal here for you on Thursday.

Just a thought… If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. [Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.]

Here in the US, this is Martin Luther King Day. As we do every day, we remember him for his wisdom, his convictions, his strength and his courage.

On another spot in the calendar – but one that is significant in its own way (read on to find out why) – those who figure these things out say that this is Blue Monday, supposedly the saddest day of the year.

Why? Because if you factor in January weather (and goodness knows it was a headline across Canada this past weekend), lack of daylight hours, post-holiday bills arriving and the realization that your best, most fervent New Year’s Resolutions might not be coming to fruition, you’re supposedly “bluer than blue, sadder than sad,” as the old song went, more so than any other day of the entire year.

I call BULL. There is nothing – no date, no weather, no worries – that can combine to make any day sadder than the next because your mood is not dictated by a date on the calendar. In fact, it’s not even a real thing – no more than bad luck can be expected on a Friday the 13th – and it’s only been going since 2005. It began, supposedly, with something put out by a travel company. Got the blues? Take a cruise! (More on that later.)

Dismissed as pseudoscience, maybe this whole Blue Monday thing is actually a chance to reset and take real stock of the way we’re feeling. More to the point, what are we going to do about it?

Change Your thoughts – Change Your Life

Just Googling that phrase shows you how many people have come up with that very idea, whether it’s “your life,” “your reality” or “your world.” It sounds overly simplistic, but it’s true.

Our thoughts are just that: thoughts. Whether we conjure scenarios that we think could happen, or might be happening, or we dwell on old conversations and wrongs (as in, what did happen), we’re poisoning our own happiness by letting those thoughts dominate our minds. I’m guilty of this: an unpleasant conversation will replay over and over in my head until I push the STOP button.

How? By changing the focus. Part of the trick is in stepping back and seeing things from a different angle; perhaps not as they really are, but as they could be. By remembering that what people say and do is far more about them than about you. Don Miguel Ruiz made this point beautifully in his book, The Four Agreements: Don’t Take it Personally.

I translate that into “It’s their movie.” We’re not starring in anyone’s show but our own; often we’re barely even making a cameo appearance. Yet it’s their screenplay – tragedy, comedy, horror movie – that is dominating our thoughts.

Is the person who’s upsetting us thinking about us at the moment that we’re lying in bed awake at night, letting their unkind or insensitive comments run on a loop in our heads? The answer is almost always NO.

The person who forgot your birthday or accused you of saying something that you most definitely didn’t say – or mean in the way that they interpreted it – is not thinking about you. They’ve moved their attention to something else: that glass of wine, the TV show they’re watching, the YouTube cat video that is making them smile. Just forget them.

If someone is wrong – whether in a ridiculous comment online or in the way that they are perceiving you – you can’t change their mind. All you can do is your best. And if that’s not good enough, there are two words for them, and they most definitely are not Happy Birthday. You get to choose.

And finally, look at what has happened to you, whether a sprained ankle, a traumatic loss (and that includes your job), or a nasty break-up, and decide what YOU are going to do about it.

Our lives are divided into Before and After: what happened prior to the event that caused you such pain, and what comes in its wake. Much of what happens in our lives is not about the actual earth-shattering event, but how we handle it. What are we going to do to keep going, to make things better?

Sometimes there is no making better what happened. But how you deal with it – whether you give up, stand up or speak up – is entirely your choice. They can’t take that away from us, no matter what we’ve suffered. We have more power and strength than we can imagine.

So that, my friend, is what I have to say about Blue Monday.

I’ll be back with you here on Thursday, but tomorrow I’ll post a special Travel Tuesday journal as we close in on the final few days of pre-cruise specials, in case you’re just thisclose to making a decision to join us in October for Thanksgiving on the Rhine.